Today’s contest: World’s Worst Query Letter.
That’s right, all you query-obsessors. The worst you can come up with. (NO agent-bashing. They’re our friends. We love them.)
Some ideas to make your query its worst:
* Inflate those word counts. There's no such thing as too many words, right?
* Tell us how much your mother loved it. Or better yet, your dog. Or gerbil. Or whatever.
* Include how many pet iguanas and Madagascar hissing cockroaches (wink, Mary) you have. Down to the last one—count twice if you need to. Agents need to know that kind of stuff.
* Be sure to leave out pertinent information about the plot. Nobody wants to know what the book is about in the query. Pshaw.
* Use the words, “It’s the next Harry Potter!” at least twice for emphasis.
* Spell my name wrong. Agents (no, I am not an agent, but for the purposes of this contest…) love that. Or better yet, go wild and abandon the greeting all together!
* Start with a rhetorical question. Maybe, “Have you ever wondered what lies between platforms 9 ¾ and 9 7/8?”
* Make me spew Sprite out my nose. Srsly. I want the best worst query letter you’ve got.
Now I’d love to see you ramble on and on and not tell me anything about said novel, but I actually have to read these things, so let’s limit it to one page of your worstness, okay? Okay.
The contest will be open today, May 28th, through Sunday May 31st. You can access the entry form here (a free QueryTracker.net membership is required to enter the contest).
Entries will be judged on originality and humor. Winners will be announced next Thursday, June 4th and will receive the following amazing prizes:
1st prize: A query critique from agent Jim McCarthy of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management (PS. Jim is up for nomination of King of the Carnival! Go vote here!) Read what he's interested in seeing here.
2nd prize: One Year QT Premium Membership
3rd prize: Steve Weber's Plug Your Book: Online Book Marketing for Authors (I just received this book and it rocks!! Enter. Win. Rule the world.)
And don’t forget! Everyone who enters this contest (and any of our other fantabulous contests) will receive another entry in the Grand Prize Drawing for a chance to win a custom-designed website from Purple Squirrel Web Design.
I can't wait to read you at your worst!