Treating the Pain of Rejection

By Ash Krafton | @AshKrafton

You can't get a handful of rejections and stop submitting—that's not how publishing works. This is a game with more than a handful of players. Every great book has a best-fit publisher for it but you can't skim the pool and expect to net it with just a handful of attempts.

We have to accept the facts: most of us are going to have to make several submissions and face several rejections before we get the acceptance that our book deserves. Those rejections are going to hurt. 

The treatment isn't easy, either. Over-the-counter analgesics provide little relief and self-medicating with alcohol only causes hangovers and the need for intense revisions later on. What's a poor writer to do?

The Treatment

The only way writers can avoid rejection is to avoid submitting work. Considering that abstinence is a pretty harsh therapy, I suggest you do the exact opposite: submit everything, submit often, submit everywhere. Kind of a hair-of-the-dog approach.

It's my homeopathic remedy to the rejection blues…keep submitting and eventually the sting of rejection goes away. 

The principle of similars (or "like cures like") is a central homeopathic principle. The principle states that a disease can be cured by a substance that produces similar symptoms in healthy people.

Never mind that many studies have suggested that homeopathy is no more effective than placebo. But think about it: placebos that work prove that mind over matter works. Positive thinking works.

That's serious medicine for all writers.

Frequent exposure to rejection helps us build a tolerance. We develop thicker skins. Now, I am not suggesting we put out faulty work, poor writing, or sub-prime manuscripts for the sole purpose of amassing rejections. Our goal is acceptance, remember? Once you run out of agents on your list…then what?

Luckily, we can submit our work to places other than agents or editors.

Contests: A Litmus Test Before Submitting to Agents

When I finished my first novel, I wanted a litmus test before I started flinging it at agents. I wanted to toe the waters of publishing before of plunging in. I wanted to feel my way cautiously through the dark instead of bumbling through it. 

Fortunately, I came across an article that described an author's journey to publication that suggested entering contests. I vowed to enter every contest I could for an entire year--but the practice proved so useful I never stopped.

Upsides to entering: Contests have judges who rate your work, as well as cool things like winners and prizes and glory. Remember—not everyone wins and most entrants end up with a contest-sized rejection.

However, the rejection is often of the personal variety. Look for contests that will return a score sheet (many post the score sheet on-line beforehand so you can see what you're going to get.) My favorite contests are those that encourage judges to leave comments. (I once got a twenty-five page entry back, line-edited. Thank you, free copy editor, because you saved me five dollars a page. *smiley*)

Contests also provided great feedback. When I first started entering contests, I had zero access to a writer’s critique group and an equally round number of beta-readers. The judges became my circle of well-meaning peers. Thanks to the feedback, I made some excellent revisions. (I also learned to ignore a lot of personal opinion, just like in a real group. That's part of building your immunity to rejection syndrome.)

Downsides? Sorry, but there are a few. Entry fees, first and foremost. For instance, some romance manuscript contests can cost anywhere from ten to fifty bucks a pop. Romance writers who belong to Romance Writers of America can often enter RWA contests for a discount; many writer group-sponsored contests offer similar discounts to their members. Despite the discounts, though, the fees add up.

Not winning is a downside, too, but here is where the homeopathy comes in. These contest-sized rejections can be crushing, especially if the judges shred your entry. Your resolve to be a writer has to be stronger than those negative forces. Most contests require their judges to provide ENCOURAGING feedback but there are judges who are simply not going to jive with your pages. You may unwittingly get a lot of practice not taking rejection personally.

My advice is to do it one score sheet at a time. If a loss was so massively rejectional, put it down and come back to it when you're ready. Even the worst scores might come back with helpful suggestions and you may find something helpful once you've prepared yourself. 

Keep in mind that these kinds of "rejections" cannot hurt you. They don't ruin your chances of getting your best work in front of a coveted agent or editor. In fact, they do the opposite: contest feedback may point out a flaw you missed, a spot of slow pacing, an opening that doesn't work the way you thought. 

Most contests deal with opening pages or a first chapter—the same partial that an agent or editor would see. If a contest helps you improve those pages, it also improves your chances of being read further, thereby reducing the probability of a rejection. 

So, in a nutshell: like cures like. See? It's all quite scientific.

I can handle rejection a lot better now than I did back when I first started to submit my work. I can handle judge's comments better, too, because after entering dozens of contests, I've had enough feedback to know what works, what doesn't, and what is subjective commenting vs. objective feedback.

My first book has since been accepted for publication but there will be other books and other rejections to come. Also, my book will eventually be reviewed…and I know it's a chance for a whole new round of subjective comments. My experiences have made me stronger and more capable of handling adversity. I won't say I'm immune to the pain of rejection but, these days, it'll take a lot more than a "no" to cause a setback for me.

After all, if a thing doesn't kill you, it can only make you stronger, right?

And that's pretty much homeopathy.

Salut.

Ash Krafton is a speculative fiction writer who resides in the heart of the Pennsylvania coal region, where she keeps the book jacket for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" in a frame over her desk. Visit the Spec Fic Website at www.ashkrafton.com for updates on the release of her debut novel, Bleeding Hearts, forthcoming in early 2012 through Pink Narcissus Press.

Publishing Pulse for September 16, 2011

New At QueryTracker:

Seven agent profiles were updated this week, including agents changing genres, changing agencies, and one agency that may have closed. Please check for the most recent information (both from QT and from the agent's website) before you hit send.

Publishing News:

Goodbye, Borders. We hardly knew ye.

image via Galleycat

The Authors Guild has filed another suit against Google over their library scanning. 

Amazon.com announce their plan to offer an ebook lending service for Amazon Prime members.

Goodreads now has a recommendation engine, leveraging the data from its six million members. Based on a reader's previous ratings, the engine will try to recommend other books the reader will enjoy.

Around the Blogosphere:

Several blogging agents had an online tussle over the hated-by-writers no-response-means-no policy. Weighing in with their opinions are Rachelle Gardner, Janet Reid, Kristin Nelson, Jessica Faust, and Jill Corcoran.

Dean Wesley Smith discusses how to make money as an indie author: quantity matters.

Jessica Faust of BookEnds talks about a writer who sent a series of virulent emails to her auto-responder.

Janet Reid of FinePrint discusses why she's not opting into one author's serialized novel.

Literary Quote of the Week:

"Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity." -GK Chesterton

Thanks for reading, and until next week, keep those queries flying!

---

Jane Lebak is the author of The Guardian (Thomas Nelson, 1994), Seven Archangels: Annihilation (Double-Edged Publishing, 2008) and The Boys Upstairs (MuseItUp, 2010). At Seven Angels, Four Kids, One Family, she blogs about what happens when a distracted daydreamer and a gamer geek attempt to raise four children. She is represented by the riveting Roseanne Wells of the Marianne Strong Literary Agency.

Fear, Rejection, & Writer's Block: Guest Post by Gene Perret

Today we're thrilled to welcome Gene Perret, a legendary writing authority -- he's won three Emmys! Gene was the head writer for the Bob Hope and Carol Burnett shows, and was also responsible for episodes of well-know sitcoms like Three's Company and Welcome Back Kotter.


More than most, Gene appreciates how important it is for a writer to be able to handle fear, rejection, and writer's block, and over time he's developed a system for starting and finishing great projects. Now he's sharing that system with you in a new book: WRITE YOUR BOOK NOW! A Proven System to Start and FINISH the Book You've Always Wanted to Write.


I have to tell you -- I'm pretty excited about this book. Even though I was lucky enough to see an electronic ARC, I rushed over to Amazon to order a hard copy for my library. As you'll see below, Gene is both upbeat and practical as a coach -- you'll want a copy, too!

Shakespeare once wrote, “Doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” It’s one of the best definitions I’ve ever read for the phenomenon we call “writer’s block.” Fear, or doubt as Shakespeare put it, generates writer’s block. We fear that we won’t be able to write what we want to write as well as we want to write it. We fear that even if we do write it, no worthwhile agent or publisher would be interested in it. We fret that even if we did sell and publish our work, none of the readers would like it. Basically, we allow ourselves to be creatively paralyzed by a fear of rejection. We lose “the good we might win by fearing to attempt.”

Writers must realize that rejection is as much a part of writing as the space bar on your keyboard. To be productive we must accept, rather than fear rejection. Certainly a negative response is usually not pleasant, but neither is it catastrophic. It simply is.

One of my writing colleagues claimed that we writers were the only people so self-involved that we named an affliction after ourselves – writer’s block. He said, “Imagine that you’re taking a cross country trip. You fight the crowds and the security inconveniences at the airport. You sit in a cramped airline seat for four or five hours, you arrive at your destination, struggle to get your luggage from the conveyor belt, haul it outside, hail a cab, load the luggage into the vehicle, sit in the back seat, and say to the driver, ‘Take me to the Hilton.’ The driver then turns to you and says, ‘Gee, I’m sorry, Pal, but I’ve got cab-drivers block.’ You’d clobber him with your briefcase.”

There’s no such thing as cab-driver’s block, or plumber’s block, or librarian’s block. There’s only writer’s block because we’re the ones who sometimes begin our task afraid that it will be rejected.

Notice that most of the apprehensions we have concern events in the future. When the manuscript is completed it may not be as superb as we would prefer. Publishers may not want it. Readers may not like it. Why are we deciding now whether the book that is not even written has been written well or poorly? Why are we making management decisions for publishers about a manuscript that they don’t have so they can’t decide about? Why are we assuming what our readers will like before they have anything to read? Forget those fears-to-come. Write your manuscript now and deal with probably mythical roadblocks if and when they occur.

The word “rejection” does have a decidedly negative connotation. That “Thank you, but no thank you” letter or e-mail is unpleasant. It’s disappointing. It’s demoralizing. It’s depressing. It’s all of those and more. At least in our minds and emotions, it is. However, let’s analyze some of the myths about rejection and perhaps diminish the power of its sting.

First, you’ll always have to deal with it. That may not sound very encouraging, but if you as a writer are prepared for a percentage of refusals, they won’t come as a shock. If you’re ready for them they won’t be nearly as unpleasant, disappointing, demoralizing, depressing, or whatever.

Second, turn-downs are not necessarily a condemnation of your writing, your talent, or your potential. As a television producer I once had to audition performers for a single role in a single episode of our sitcom. Agents sent in 20 actors. The math is fairly obvious – one girl would get the role, 19 would not. That doesn’t mean that 19 of the actors were incompetent. It simply indicated that one performer would be hired and 19 would not. In fact, our staff debated for several hours over which performer to hire – many were that good.

There are countless reasons why publishers may refuse your submission. Their schedule is full, their budget is exhausted, they have a similar book in the works, your idea may conflict with the publisher’s established authors, it may be wrong for this specific publisher, publisher may not agree with your concept, they may feel their company is not suited to handle this type of book, or they may just hate the book. Most of those reasons (except for that last one) have nothing to do with your work, or your writing ability.

Third, a rejection is not personal. As they said frequently in “The Godfather,” it’s strictly business.

Fourth, a rejection can often turn into a blessing. Refer back to the case I cited above with the 20 performers all vying for one job. The following year, I produced another sitcom and needed a performer to appear regularly on the show. One of the “rejectees” was hired. Rather than getting a paycheck for one show, she received a salary for several years on the new show.

It can work that way for writers, too. One publisher rejected a proposal of mine, but suggested another book that he would like me to write. I had already written this book but had abandoned it because it had been rejected by several publishers. Now I got a sale through a rejection. Not only did I sell the book, but I didn’t even have to write it. It was already written. Is that not a blessing?

Fifth, no rejection can stop you from producing new writing, and you shouldn’t allow it to. Give yourself a few hours or even days of self-pity (and maybe even calling certain publishers or editors nasty names), but then get back to the keyboard and turn out more solid writing.

I liked the positive way that one writer handled rejection. At a party I overheard him discussing the negotiations for a book of his. He said, “We’re still working things out. I’m demanding a $200,000 advance, and the publisher is refusing to read my manuscript.”

That’s the positive approach we all should adopt.

# # # 

Thanks again to Gene for his wonderful advice!  If you'd like to check out the next leg of Gene's blog tour, he'll be appearing on Susan Perry's Psychology Today blog Creating in Flow tomorrow!

Pathway to Becoming a Bestselling Author

Now that the New Year is rapidly approaching, it’s a perfect time to discuss writing goals for 2011. What you want to accomplish next year may be dependent on where you are on the above pathway to becoming a bestselling novelist (or one with a loyal and growing fan base).

Newbie Writer

So you want to write a novel (or have already started one). Congratulations! The first thing you need to figure out is WHY you want to be a writer. Is it because you want to be the next Stephen King or J.K. Rowling? If so, quit now. You’re doing it for the wrong reasons. But if you want to be a writer because you hope to write stories that might one day be published and make a difference in someone’s life or entertain your readers, then welcome to the club. But before you join us, there’re some things you need to do:

• Read Read Read in the genre you want to write. If you woke up this morning and decided to become a YA writer, then you’ve got a lot of homework ahead of you. Same deal if you want to write a medical thriller and have never read one before. Of course, in this case, you might want to consider attending medical school first (or law school if you want to write a legal thriller).
• Read outside your genre. You might get some brilliant ideas for your story. Plus, you might discover a genre you never thought about writing before.
• Study nonfiction books on writing.
• Read blogs. A lot of writers are delighted to share their knowledge and writing tips in bite-sized pieces. This makes it easier for you to remember the pointers when writing and editing your novel.
• Analyze the writing of your favorite authors and see how it can improve your writing.
• Join a critique group or find some knowledgeable beta readers.
• Learn to research. Most novels require research, even if it’s just to make sure your characters aren’t stereotypes.
• Attend conferences. They’re a great learning and networking experience.

Querying Writer

You’ve written your novel and done numerous revisions based on feedback from your critique partners and beta readers. You’ve polished your novel until it shines, and have given it some much needed distance. Now you’re ready to query.

• Learn how to write a query and how not to write one. Many queries are rejected because writers did those things that irritate agents and editors the most. Don’t be one of these writers.
• Research agents. Don’t waste your time and theirs by querying the wrong agents.
• Write a query and have it critted by your critique group and by people who don’t know the story. And don’t forget to make sure it has voice. If it doesn’t, the agent might think your novel lacks voice, too. (Hint: It needs to be in the same voice as in your novel. Believe it or not, this mistake does happen.)
• If you’re just getting form rejections, go back and redo the previous three points.If agents are rejecting requested materials, figure out why. IF you’re lucky, they might give you a hint. For example, if an agent mentions the characterization wasn’t as strong as she would like, now’s the time to study some books on characterization.
• Start working on a new project. I can’t stress this one enough.
• Consider trying out a different genre. Maybe you aren’t cut out to write legal thrillers, but discover you can write a kickass romantic suspense.
• Attend conferences.

Agented Writer

Congratulations, you’re getting closer to your goal of publication, but you’re not there yet. When you consider how many agents represent your genre and how many editors are looking for it, well, the odds aren’t great in your favor of your book being sold.

• Keep reading books in and out of your genre.
• Continue to develop your craft. Just because you’re agented, it doesn’t mean you can stop learning and challenging yourself to do better.
• Start working on a new project so if your current book doesn’t sell, you’ll have something new for your agent.
• If your manuscript is only collecting rejections, study the reasons behind them. Unlike agents, many editors do provide some feedback as to why they rejected the book. See this as an opportunity to improve that area of your writing (if that was the reason for the rejections), especially if they’re consistent. Remember, your goal is to be a professional one day (i.e. make money from your stories). And professionals (physicians, accountants, lawyers) are always learning. It never stops. Which brings me to the next point.
• Attend conferences.

Published Author

Wow, you did it. You’ve made it to a place a lot of writers dream about. Of course, you still have a lot of work to do. You have to promote the book (which I’m not going to go into here) and write a new one. But just because yours is published doesn’t mean you can stop challenging yourself and pushing your writing to the next level. Keep studying those books on writing and attend conferences. Unless you’re an award winning author (I’m talking the major literary awards), you probably still have room to grow. Don’t be the foolish author who assumes he knows everything.

Bestselling Author

Okay, I know no bestselling authors are reading this, but hopefully you keep this advice in mind if you ever get to this point. Your fans might be forgiving, but that can only take you so far. If you start to ignore the rules, it might not necessarily work in your favor (though sometimes it can). How many of you have stopped reading books by your favorite author because the writing just isn’t there anymore? The writer has become lazy. Once your fans drop you, you have to work even harder to get them back—if you ever can. That’s why I consider the pathway to being a bestseller (or a much admired author) a two-way circle. It is possible to move backwards and not just forwards. Also, your first published novel might have been a bestseller, but it was mostly because of hype. Your next novel might not do as well if readers where disappointed with the last one.

Remember, no matter where you are on the pathway, you should never stop learning and challenging yourself to do better. Your readers will thank you for it. So where are you on the pathway, and what are you planning to do next year to help you meet your goal of being published (or keep being published)?

(Note: Because of the limitations of my graphics program, this graph is slightly misleading. Only under very rare instances could a newbie writer skip the querying step and go straight to being a bestselling author. And a writer’s first book might be a bestseller (i.e. they skipped the part about developing a fan base over a period of several books), but I couldn’t show that in my graph. Also, you might be published by a small pressed before landing an agent for your next book.)

Stina Lindenblatt writes romantic suspense and young adults novels. In her spare time, she’s a photographer and blogging addict, and can be found hanging out on her blog, Seeing Creative.  

Good Rejection Letters

"Good rejection." Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? But there are different kinds of rejection letters, and some of them may hold more information than you realize. A rejection letter could be a source of advice that can guide you through your revisions.

First, there are “form rejections.” This a standard rejection letter that an agency sends out when they have decided not to pursue representation of your work. While not helpful, at least they supply a definite “no” and you can move on with your life. The letters are usually along the lines of “not right for our list” or “not what I’m looking for.” A super sneaky way to check if yours is a form rejection is to look at an agent’s profile on QueryTracker. Many people post their verbatim rejections in the “comments” section beneath the profile. (Click on the picture below to see an up-close view.)



A good rejection typically comes from an agent who has read some or all of your manuscript. Many agents will tell you what is working – and what isn’t. “I fell in love with the character, but not with the plot,” for example. If you get this kind of rejection, hang onto it! You may need to take some time to get past the sting of being rejected, but later you will want to go back and really absorb what the agent is telling you. Then, revise your manuscript while keeping the agent’s advice at hand and in mind.

A friend of mine received a rejection from an agent detailing very specifically what was wrong with the plot of her middle grade mystery. My friend replied with a big THANK YOU and asked if she could resubmit – the agent said no, but he knew of another agent within his agency who might like the book once it was revised, and promised to pass it along.

Last week our own Heather Dyer mentioned her agent-inspired “eureka moment” that led to revisions and, down the road, signing with an agent.

An agent told another friend of mine that her premise (and therefore the whole book) was not competitive enough for the market – but the agent had some very nice things to say about the writing style and invited the author to submit future projects for consideration. (And luckily this friend has been querying long enough to know that this is a fantastic opportunity!)

We all know agents are some of the busiest people on the planet, and for them to take time to offer feedback is a really big deal. Their honesty about your work is a boon – so be sure to thank them for it.

Do you have a “good rejection” story you’d like to share? (And please, let’s keep it positive and anonymous.)

Handling Rejection at Arm's Length

Rejection is a part of life. Sad but true. Regardless of your profession or abilities, you will come face to face with rejection and it's rarely a pleasant experience.  

Writers have it pretty bad when it comes to rejection for two reasons: 1) They are trying to sell a product that is a part of themselves--something they care about that's personal, and 2) The rejection comes in writing.  

The best advice I can give is to not take it personally. Truly, that rejection is not aimed at the writer in a spiteful or even personal way. Often, it is a form letter sent to hundreds and sometimes thousands of other writers who have queried that agent or editor.  

On several occasions, I've received a personal message from a fellow writer ranting about how mean an agent was about his/her work in a rejection letter.  When I asked the author if I could see the letter (because I've never seen a mean rejection yet and was intrigued) I discovered it was nothing more than a typical form rejection--well crafted to appear personal, but not personalized at all.  The writer was creating a slight in his/her mind that didn't exist. In one case, I was able to produce the exact same letter with identical wording that I had received in response to my own submission to that agent months earlier. 

Because I'm only one person with one person's limited experience, I want to share some other writers' views on handling rejections.  

Jeremiah Tolbert is a science fiction writer and editor for Escape Pod. I love his article, An Editor's Perspective on Rejection (Click on title to read). Mr. Tolbert addresses his approach to rejection as both a writer and an editor.  His take?  It's not personal and don't expect a rejection to be writing advice. 

Satire author Simon Haynes wrote an article on this subject called, Rejection of the Literary Kind, which should be required reading for unpublished writers seeking representation.  

Mr Haynes proposes that the road to publication can be pictured something like this:   

Mr. Haynes also addresses a recurring theme in my conversations with writer. Often, I am asked why an agent doesn't tell a writer what is wrong with the work. I know of several agents who used to do that, but had such negative responses from a few writers, they've stopped giving feedback on anything but fulls and even then, they are careful because some writers fire angry responses back. I find it hard to believe, but there are agents who have received death threats because of rejections. Sickening.  

On this subject, Mr. Haynes writes:

Of course, agents who gave honest feedback would be swamped by a tsunami of vitriol from aggrieved and hurting writers, which is why they don't do this. 

Literary agent Nathan Bransford is one of my favorite bloggers when it comes to helping a writer handle the hardships of the road to publication.  He addresses how to respond to rejections in his blog post, About Those Follow-Up Questions After a Rejection...

Mr. Bransford explains why he gives form rejections and doesn't respond to questions regarding his rejections:

I know. My standard query rejection letters are just as ambiguous and unhelpful as every other agent's (except that if you personalize your letter to me I'll personalize mine back). I know you're left hanging, that you'd like some leads, some more info... anything more than what I'm able to give you.

But I'm sorry -- my response is my response. That's it. I get 6,000-7,000 queries a year. I can't provide tips or referrals or answer further questions to even a small portion of these, or else I'd do nothing but answer queries and query questions. I have to delete follow-up questions so I can move on with my day. I mean, I can't even respond to say I'm not responding, simply because that alone would be such a huge time suck. So I just delete them.

I guess my point is this: Yes, it's difficult for a writer to be told that the novel/book/story she has delved into her heart to produce is not right for an agent's list. Even so, a writer must learn how to deal with this rejection and use it in a positive way, not take it as a personal affront. Publishing is a business. A hard one. As the old saying goes: "The only thing all published authors have in common is that the didn't give up."  

One of my books is in submission with publishers. Realistically, I will receive rejections (my agent will be receiving them as well. See? Agents get rejection letters too). How will I handle it?  The same way I handled agent rejection letters. I understand that it is not me the editor will be rejecting, but my book. Not all my books--just this one. And I've got a lot more books in me.  

I believe that in order to make it, all writers, new or established, must believe in themselves and their talent. 

Hold those rejections at arm's length and don't let them close to your heart.  

Do you have a technique/trick/tip for handling rejection? I'd love to hear about it in the comments.  

Have a beautiful week,

Mary

Mary Lindsey writes paranormal fiction for teens and adults. Prior to attending University of Houston Law school, she received a B.A. in English Literature with a minor in Drama. Mary is represented by Joan Paquette of the Erin Murphy Literary Agency.

Mary can also be found on her website or blog.