QueryTracker Blog: A Query Us Medley

A Query Us Medley

Posted 7/29/2009 08:00:00 AM by H. L. Dyer

After all these months, I've come to think of you as close friends... my Querytracker family. If you've read my signature box, you'll know that one of my favorite pastimes is to compose parodies to annoy close friends and family. Well, my QT peeps... that means you. Don't say you weren't warned.

Blogging agents: what aspiring author doesn't love these guys? Most writers I know read many agent blogs. Each one is a little different, but they all share one thing in common:

Show me a blogging agent, and I'll show you where they posted in frustration over writers who didn't follow the submission guidelines while querying. Of course, you fabulous Querytracker peeps would never do such a thing, so you'll be able to enjoy the following presentation without remorse.

So... picture it...

You settle into your Orchestra seats at the Hirschfeld Theatre. The house lights dim to black, and then you spot some glowing lights undulating in the darkness before you. The spotlights blaze to life as blogging agents in bright flowing garments swarm the stage. The orchestra strikes up the opening to the "Aquarius-Let the Sun Shine In" medley, and the agents begin to sing:

Joanna Volpe: When your book is in the seventh draft
Colleen Lindsay: And you are sure it shines like stars
Jessica Faust & Kim Lionetti: Then, please, we’d like a query
Kristin Nelson & Sara Megibow: Lit agents are what we are!
All Agents: We’re looking forward to the day that you query us
Say that you’ll query us
You’ll query us
You’ll query us

Scott Eagan: Single title or a series
Rachelle Gardner: Women’s fiction or a mystery
Nathan Bransford: Novels ready for submission
Jenny Rappaport & Jodi Meadows: Shouldn’t need extreme revisions
Kate Schafer Testerman: If your pitch blurb’s tantalizing
Holly Root: And your plot twists are surprising
All Agents: Then query us
Please query us

Janet Reid & Pink Octopus: When you’re sure your book is ready
Jon & Kae Tienstra: And one of us is right for you.
The Knight Agency: Then read our posted guidelines
All Agents: We love the folks that do
Yes, please remember there’s a way you should query us
A way you should query us
To query us
To query us
To query us
To query us

[instrumental and tempo shift to “Let the Sunshine in”]

Check the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides first
Check the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides first
Check the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides first

[continue to end with concurrent scat]

Now, brief disclaimer for any agents who may be reading... I fit your blog or profile pictures in wherever I could without much regard for shape, size, skin tone or even gender, and my photoshop skillz are amateur at best. So please accept my apologies for the crudity of this model.

For your unwitting participation, I'm nominating each of you agents and assistants for a Tony Award... or a Phony Award... or something.

H. L. Dyer, M.D. writes women's fiction and works as the Clinical and Academic Director for the Hospitalist Program at a pediatric teaching hospital near Chicago. In addition to all things literary, she enjoys experimental cooking and composing impromptu parodies to annoy close friends and family. Click to visit her personal blog, Trying to Do the Write Thing.

File Under: agency, agent, H. L. Dyer, literary agents, query letters, queryfail, querytracker, representation, submissions

37 comments:

On July 29, 2009 at 9:16 AM , elysabeth said...: I love it - lol. You seemed to have fun with this. I'm sure the agents and assistants will enjoy this as well. E :)

-------------
Elysabeth Eldering
Author of the Junior Geography Detective Squad (JGDS), 50-state, mystery, trivia series

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STATE OF QUARRIES, book 2 of 50 now available
STATE OF RESERVATIONS, book 3 of 50 coming 2009

WHERE WILL THE ADVENTURE TAKE YOU NEXT?

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jgdsseries/ (series newsletter forum)
On July 29, 2009 at 9:28 AM , Dutch said...: That is really a hoot!!

I'll be humming, Let The Sun Shine In, all day.

Thank you for the chuckle!

- Dutch
On July 29, 2009 at 9:44 AM , Katie said...: This is ADORABLE!
On July 29, 2009 at 9:53 AM , Kristi said...: I'm sure Nathan will LOVE his outfit!:)
On July 29, 2009 at 10:05 AM , Linda Godfrey said...: Total hoot! I will never listen to the original song again without mentally substituting Please query us for Aquarius! Thanks for the morning smile.
On July 29, 2009 at 10:09 AM , Mandy said...: LOL! What a hillarious post! It made my day!
On July 29, 2009 at 10:11 AM , brimfire said...: lol You crack me up.

I totally adore that picture! The Query Shark in the center? Priceless.
On July 29, 2009 at 10:11 AM , Stina Lindenblatt said...: That was just too funny! Yep, that's about the extent of my Photoshop skills, too.
On July 29, 2009 at 10:32 AM , WindyA said...: Hilarious!
On July 29, 2009 at 10:57 AM , Stephanie said...: That is fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for that!!
On July 29, 2009 at 11:01 AM , vtremp said...: That was amazing! I, too, will never hear the song the same way again. Very clever - thanks!

www.vbtremper.wordpress.com
On July 29, 2009 at 11:12 AM , Suzette Saxton said...: There's nothing like starting the day laughing my head off. Thanks for the boost!
On July 29, 2009 at 11:29 AM , Patrick said...: Loved it Heather. Well done.
On July 29, 2009 at 11:34 AM , froggfeathers said...: Outstanding!! What a great start to the day. The Query Shark in the middle was a perfect touch. Thanks!
On July 29, 2009 at 11:46 AM , Rebecca Knight said...: I love that the pink octopus got to sing, too! :D
On July 29, 2009 at 12:43 PM , Anthony said...: I laughed out loud at the picture at the end, I sure did.
On July 29, 2009 at 1:20 PM , Sharla said...: Love the pic! And I wanna go shopping where THEY did! Some hot fashion statements going on! LOL
On July 29, 2009 at 2:13 PM , Lisa and Laura said...: That's freaking hilarious!
On July 29, 2009 at 2:22 PM , Suzanne said...: No. Way! Too funny. No comment could do it enough justice.
On July 29, 2009 at 2:47 PM , Melanie Avila said...: Oh. My. God. This is fricking awesome. Why do I have the feeling you've been singing the chorus for awhile? "Query us" fits so perfectly!!

I LOVE the picture at the end!
On July 29, 2009 at 4:16 PM , Casey McCormick said...: Oh, the brilliance! It's so shiny. I LOVE this.
On July 29, 2009 at 4:24 PM , ElanaJ said...: Heather, you are my hero. Truly. This is made of hilariousness and wit and everything in between. :)
On July 29, 2009 at 4:36 PM , Amy L. Sonnichsen said...: That is so funny. The picture cracked me up!!
On July 29, 2009 at 5:56 PM , Terri said...: Har! That's great!

I'm a new reader to your blog, don't recall how I stumbled onto it, but glad I did.

=)
On July 29, 2009 at 6:30 PM , Annarkie said...: That was awesome! It was fun to see how many I recognized in the pic. I need to learn how to photoshop LOL.
On July 29, 2009 at 8:32 PM , Carolyn Kaufman said...: *applause*!!!
On July 29, 2009 at 10:33 PM , Janet Reid said...: This just cracked me up! Thank you!

(The Pink Octopus says Thank You x8!)
On July 29, 2009 at 10:44 PM , Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...: You obviously put a lot of work into your masterpiece! Kudos!

I like how you gave Janet a shark head. Ever the elusive one...
On July 29, 2009 at 11:08 PM , DebraLSchubert said...: Bravo! Encore! Love, love, love this post! This is indeed the dawning of a new and prosperous age in the publishing biz. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?
On July 30, 2009 at 12:55 AM , Blee Bonn said...: This is totally awesome!!
On July 30, 2009 at 11:23 AM , JStantonChandler said...: Oh my goodness!That was hilarious! (and trust me when I say I needed a good laugh!)

I popped over from a link posted in a comment on pubrants.blogspot.com. Very glad I did!

Clever parody!

~Jen
On July 30, 2009 at 12:02 PM , quixotic said...: Oh god that is too funny! Love it.
On July 30, 2009 at 12:35 PM , Amy Tate said...: LOL!!!! This made my day!
On July 31, 2009 at 10:22 AM , Alicia Walker said...: That picture is hilarious! Well, the entire post is riot. I will have to steal that picture and post it on my blog if you don't mind. I'm sure it took you hours and hours to put together. It is highly appreciated.
On July 31, 2009 at 1:23 PM , Rhonda Stapleton said...: HAHAHAHA the song was awesome, and the picture TOTALLY made it come alive. :D
On July 31, 2009 at 1:32 PM , suzie said...: This is AWESOME!
On August 3, 2009 at 10:18 AM , Suzette Saxton said...: still laughing...

A Query Us Medley

37 comments:

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