Blogging agents: what aspiring author doesn't love these guys? Most writers I know read many agent blogs. Each one is a little different, but they all share one thing in common:
Show me a blogging agent, and I'll show you where they posted in frustration over writers who didn't follow the submission guidelines while querying. Of course, you fabulous Querytracker peeps would never do such a thing, so you'll be able to enjoy the following presentation without remorse.
So... picture it...
You settle into your Orchestra seats at the Hirschfeld Theatre. The house lights dim to black, and then you spot some glowing lights undulating in the darkness before you. The spotlights blaze to life as blogging agents in bright flowing garments swarm the stage. The orchestra strikes up the opening to the "Aquarius-Let the Sun Shine In" medley, and the agents begin to sing:
Joanna Volpe: When your book is in the seventh draft Colleen Lindsay: And you are sure it shines like stars Jessica Faust & Kim Lionetti: Then, please, we’d like a query Kristin Nelson & Sara Megibow: Lit agents are what we are! All Agents: We’re looking forward to the day that you query us Say that you’ll query us You’ll query us You’ll query us
Scott Eagan: Single title or a series Rachelle Gardner: Women’s fiction or a mystery Nathan Bransford: Novels ready for submission Jenny Rappaport & Jodi Meadows: Shouldn’t need extreme revisions Kate Schafer Testerman: If your pitch blurb’s tantalizing Holly Root: And your plot twists are surprising All Agents: Then query us Please query us
Janet Reid & Pink Octopus: When you’re sure your book is ready Jon & Kae Tienstra: And one of us is right for you. The Knight Agency: Then read our posted guidelines All Agents: We love the folks that do Yes, please remember there’s a way you should query us A way you should query us To query us To query us To query usTo query us
[instrumental and tempo shift to “Let the Sunshine in”] Check the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides first Check the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides firstCheck the Sub Guides, check the Sub Guides first, the Sub Guides first
[continue to end with concurrent scat]
Now, brief disclaimer for any agents who may be reading... I fit your blog or profile pictures in wherever I could without much regard for shape, size, skin tone or even gender, and my photoshop skillz are amateur at best. So please accept my apologies for the crudity of this model.
For your unwitting participation, I'm nominating each of you agents and assistants for a Tony Award... or a Phony Award... or something.