Using Dialogue Tags and Punctuation Properly

Dialogue can be tough, but for a lot of writers, tagging and punctuating it correctly is even harder. Here are some of the most common errors I see, and how to correct them.

Dialogue Tags

You should use a dialogue tag anytime it’s not completely clear who is speaking. 

A dialogue tag lets the reader know who’s speaking. He said and she said are the most common dialogue tags, though if it’s not completely clear who’s speaking when you use he said or she said, it’s time to use your characters’ names. Let’s pretend for the example below that we’ve just started a new scene:

 “Sorry I’m late,” June said.
 “Where were you?” David said.
  “I just ran by the grocery store on the way home.”

In this example, we tag both June’s dialogue and David’s dialogue with their names. That way everyone knows which characters are involved in the scene. In the third sentence, we skipped the dialogue tag completely, because it’s unnecessary. We know that June and David are the only people involved in this conversation, so once June starts speaking again, we don’t have to tag her dialogue.

However, you may not be able to go more than a few lines without some kind of indication of who’s speaking. If you do, the reader will start to get confused.

For example, if we pick up where we stopped with June and David’s conversation:

        “I just ran by the grocery store on the way home.”
        “I wish you’d called to let me know you were going to be late. I was starting to worry about you.”
         “I had my phone on.”

By that third line, “I had my phone on,” we  may want to add a sentence tag back in (“I had my phone on,” she said), both to keep the reader from getting lost and to break the dialogue up a bit.

If someone new has several lines to say, and it’s probably not going to be entirely clear who’s speaking until you reach the ___ said  tag, then you should insert the dialogue tag after the first sentence of his or her speech, like this:

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said.  “I lost track of the time.”

Said

As I mentioned above, said is the most common dialogue tag, because it disappears for the reader. In other words, as readers, we’re so used to seeing it that we don’t really notice it while we’re reading. This keeps it from feeling redundant, even if it’s used frequently.

You should use other tags—like shouted, screamed, bellowed, sobbed, sang, blurted, whispered, wailed—sparingly. These stand out in a big way, and can be very distracting for the reader, particularly when your writing is peppered with them.  You may feel like you need to use such strong verbs regularly to show your characters’ emotions, but you’re usually better off adding a brief sentence that shows the character’s body language or actions instead.

Rather than saying,

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said regretfully.

or even

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she murmured.

in many cases you may be better off showing the character doing an action. This helps bring the scene to life for the reader.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said. She shuffled her feet, avoiding his eyes.

Sometimes you don’t even need the “she said” part:

“I’m sorry I’m late.” She shuffled her feet, avoiding his eyes.

Note, however, that in the example above there should be a period at the end of the line of dialogue, not a comma, the way there is when the dialogue is followed with _____ said. A lot of writers try to follow dialogue with a comma and then an action, but you can’t speak an action. For example:

Wrong: “Not even one,” she offered him a halfhearted shrug.
Right: “Not even one.” She offered him a halfhearted shrug.

Wrong: She offered him a halfhearted shrug, “Guess I got lucky.”
Right: She offered him a halfhearted shrug. “Guess I got lucky.”

You can also include information on what’s happening before or during the dialogue. As I noted earlier, this breaks up the dialogue and can make it feel more natural, since most people don’t speak super-fast without taking pauses. For example:

The man gripped her elbow, steadying her.  “Let me help you,” he said.  “You’re covered in blood.  Is it yours?”

Finally, you can put the dialogue tag in front of the dialogue, though this is a less conventional approach, so it should be used with care. For example:

The two women eyed each other. Then Abbey said, “Are you trying to trick me?"

Finally, if someone is, for example, asking a question, you should always use a proper question mark at the end of the line of dialogue, and then add your ____ said as if you had used a comma (ie, with a lowercase he said or she said rather than a capitalized He said or She said).

For example:

Wrong: “You have to send anyone else to the hospital?” She said.
Right: “You have to send anyone else to the hospital?” she said.

And to pull together several principles we’ve discussed:

        “Hey,” he said.
        “You have to send anyone else to the hospital?” she said.
        He nodded, checking off several adjectives in the mental status area of the intake form.“Three others.”
        “Delusions of influence?”
         “Well, I don’t know that the girl who thought she could disappear would count as a delusion of influence, but the others…yeah, they kind of fit that category.”  He tapped the tip of his pen on the table.  “How about you? Did you have to send anyone to the hospital?”
         “Not even one.”  She offered him a halfhearted shrug. “Guess I got lucky.”

Carolyn Kaufman, PsyD's book, THE WRITER'S GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY: How to Write Accurately About Psychological Disorders, Clinical Treatment, and Human Behavior helps writers avoid common misconceptions and inaccuracies and "get the psych right" in their stories. You can learn more about The Writer's Guide to Psychology, check out Dr. K's blog on Psychology Today, or follow her on Facebook or Google+! 

The Story Behind The Success: Lisa Amowitz

Query Tracker is a site devoted to helping writers who seek agent representation. In addition to the huge database of agent listings, Query Tracker also has a lively forum, full of writers and authors, each on their own journey toward publication.

There's also a section reserved for success stories.  Each writer who signs with an agent is welcome to share his/her success story. The interviews are quite informative but sometimes they don't quite reflect the emotional details novice writers crave.

Success stories are about success. For many writers, however, the journey is discouraging and writers often feel alone in their struggles. Those stories can be cold comfort to a writer who feels passed over.

Lisa Amowitz was one such writer. She shares her story today because she knows, all too well, how important perseverance is when choosing the path of publication.

From Clueless Wannabe to Soon-to-be Published Author--The Eight-Year Saga of Lisa Amowitz

I got into serious writing pretty late in life. Though I’d always dabbled, I’m an artist and graphic designer by trade. But after reading the first three Harry Potter books to my daughter (in a very tacky British accent—yes—three entire books) something got under my skin.
I think it was a story.

So I wrote that story, hiding my activities like a CIA operative. It was two years before I admitted my now-overwhelming compulsion to write. My characters spoke to me at random moments—I was obsessed with writing that story.

But guess what? That first book was horrible. It has its fans but, plot-wise and premise-wise, it was unsalvageable. Subsequently, I joined an online critique group who really helped me to clean up my writing. But I still couldn’t plot to save my life.Heidi Ayarbe , Lindsay Eland, Christine Johnson and Kate Milford and a bunch of other up and coming writing stars of the future.), and I joined the Query Tracker forum (aka JustWrite—or JW as I became known), which at the time had about twelve members, including Leah Clifford (aka gypsy gurl).

We all became quite close, chatting day and night. I am still very good friends with a few of the originals (Michelle McLean (eknutswife) and Colleen Kosinski (Coll)—two very smart and determined ladies). The next wave, as QT grew brought in people like Jessica Verday, Elana JohnsonBethany Wiggins, and Mary Lindsey.


I’m dropping names here, because you should note that these ladies are all published. We all started together, whining, grasping at straws, dragging each other along. A number of them got lucky early on.
It’s not really luck—it’s just timing. Their time had come. And then, back in 2008, it seemed like my time had finally come, too.

I signed with a big agent for my third book. I thought I had arrived and would soon be ascending the steps to Writer Nirvana. Game over.

Was I wrong. The agent and I did not see eye-to-eye. She hated my revisions but didn’t really seem to know how to explain what she wanted from me. Her vision of my writing did not seem to mesh with the vision I had for myself. She liked my realistic style and characters but hated my fantasy. I started another book (my fourth book), which was not the one she wanted me to write. She preferred my other proposal, which, ironically became the book I eventually sold, my fifth book, BREAKING GLASS.

Yeah, yeah. She actually was right. But that isn’t the point—the point is that she tried to tell me who I was—she imposed her own wishes on me, which totally shut down my muse. I couldn’t write a word.
When she suggested we part in March of 2009, I was actually relieved.  But by summer, I was DESTROYED. Devastated. My QT buddies were signing with agents and landing great deals, one by one—and I'd gone nowhere. I’d hit rock bottom. A shameful has-been.

It was hard. I was depressed and truly discouraged. With the help of my QT buddies and my crit groups, I just kept at it. Kept writing. In the winter of 2010, I submitted the first 150 words of my fourth book, LIFE AND BETH, to a Writer’s Digest contest and forgot about it until I won runner-up for second place out of 400 entries. Best of all, the contest judge--another very well-known but more down-to-earth agent—really liked my book.

However, I had a revelation. A very major revelation. I had to stop writing for others. I had to stop judging my worth as a writer by my outside success.

I had to write for me.

There it was: February 2010, the moment I came into my own.

I started to submit LIFE AND BETH. I got help from the esteemed Elana Johnson to perfect the best query ever (I designed her blog header in return—best barter I ever made!). And I broke ALL the query rules. You see, I didn’t care—I was going to write, and write, and write—and work on my craft. And NO ONE—no agent, editor, no arbiter of good taste was going to stop me.

I sent out NINETY queries over the span of five days. Yes—I knew my manuscript was polished to the best of my ability. Yes—my query was spot-on.

But 90? All at once? I got a request rate of about 27%.

Then came the phone calls from agents wanting to talk about revisions. At one point I had about fifteen manuscripts out for review. I was getting closer—I could feel it. All because I didn’t care. I was going to write my brains out, even if every agent in North America rejected me. The world of publishing was changing—you could smell it in the air. Indie publishing was growing in popularity and offered a new, attractive option.

During the summer, I got a phone call from the agent who had judged the Writers Digest contest. She gave me amazing tips on what I needed to do to make my book better. I began a major revision in hopes she might sign me.

But that never happened. In July 2010 I got an email from Victoria Marini, who'd requested my manuscript. She had about a hundred pages left to read of my ms and planned to finish the WHOLE thing that night. She did—and emailed requesting a phone call. I was expecting another revision song and dance.

Nope. She offered.

I asked for two weeks to consider the wisdom of signing with an untested novice. After contacting the bazillion other agents who had my full, they all stepped aside, including the contest agent (who was moving at the time and couldn’t read my revision that quickly.)

It took a lot of deliberation (Victoria was young, new—completely unknown) but my gut was screaming: YOU LIKE HER. SHE GETS YOU. SIGN WITH HER. I decided that Victoria, who would inspire me to WRITE and stand by me and cheer me on, was preferable to an agent who just didn’t get me, who made me question my skill as a writer.

Fast forward another year to 2011—Victoria went on to submit LIFE AND BETH with gusto. However, times were hard and it just never gained any traction. We both still love that book and have plans for it.

But here is the most important lesson to be learned: I DIDN’T CARE. I'd found my muse. I had an agent who passionately loved my writing, believed in me, and was going to sell my next book, or the one after that. My time would come.

In record time, I wrote BREAKING GLASS. It was almost a year after signing with Victoria, who in that year built her list and skyrocketed from unknown to a name brand. She’d made a good amount of sales and had networked her brains out. The woman is charming beyond belief and I felt so proud knowing that she was the one who would represent me.

We got very close to a huge deal with BREAKING GLASS. Then came an offer from Spencer Hill Press. They were small. I was skeptical. It felt like a repeat of my agent experience. But that had turned out okay. Better than okay.

So we went with Spencer Hill and I am thrilled with them. Now, not only do I have an agent who believes in me—I have a whole team. They even let me design my own book and trailer and gave me all the help I needed. From the incredible Kate Kaynak who has creative ideas streaming from her pores, to my supportive fellow writers like Kimberly Ann Miller, (TRIANGLES, 2013) to my editor, Vikki Claffone—they rock. They are not a publishing house---they are a family!

Am I rich? No. Will I get rich? Who knows. Do I care? Not at all. Money is not the reason I started writing in the first place. I started writing because I want people to read and love the stories in my head.
Thanks to my supporters, I’m going to write, and write, and write until the bones in my fingers crumble from overuse.

And that, dear people, is what it is all about. Love your craft. Don’t judge yourself against the successes of others. Persevere. Take advice. Understand the marketplace. Change, Grow, be fearless. Be a warrior. Love yourself and someone will eventually love you back.

You will get somewhere. Maybe not where you expected—but remember, it’s not the destination that matters—it’s the journey.

Check out Lisa Amowitz on Facebook, Twitter, and her blog. And check out Breaking Glass on Goodreads and YouTube.

 

Ash Krafton is a speculative fiction writer who resides in the heart of the Pennsylvania coal region, where she keeps the book jacket for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" in a frame over her desk. Visit Ash's blog at www.ash-krafton.blogspot.com for news on her newly released urban fantasy "Bleeding Hearts: Book One of the Demimonde" (Pink Narcissus Press 2012).

Being Subtle With Subtext

Fiction is like an iceberg. Only twenty-five percent of it is visible (the words on the page). The other seventy-five percent is known as subtext. Subtext enables your reader to see that more is going on than what is in the text. It enables you to create a richer, more emotion packed story. It’s the part that is tricky to convey, but when you do it right, it makes for a compelling story. 

There are numerous ways to show subtext, this post will cover three of them.

Action and Dialogue

Imagine your character has an issue with his car. The door has a major design flaw that the automaker knew about, but while the character’s car was under warranty, he was never warned it might be an issue later on. Naturally, the door’s status deteriorates after the warranty expires, and he’s left with a hefty repair bill. He goes back to the dealership and asks if anyone during his regular service appointments checked the status of the doors while the car was under warranty.

The last thing the service guy wants to do is answer the question. He’s been coached on how to approach it. He keeps avoiding a direct answer. Meanwhile, he’s shifting nervously on his feet and shooting panicked looks at his co-workers while they pretended he doesn’t exist. He knows he’s failing miserably at keeping to the script, and this makes him more nervous. 

When you write dialogue, ask yourself what is really happening that the character isn’t saying. Then show it. Have your main character interpret the other character’s actions and body language. Occasionally have your character misinterpret them to misdirect the reader. But make sure it’s believable. If your reader can guess the truth behind the subtext, your misdirection will come off as contrived and your character will sound like an idiot. Nothing irks a reader more than when he feels manipulated.

Symbolism

One way to create a richer story is by weaving symbolic subtext into it. This is also a great way to reveal the story’s theme. It’s not hard to do when you consider how many things in our world have been assigned different meanings. For example, we associate red with passion, anger, embarrassment, danger, power. 

Subtext works both at a conscious and unconscious level. When we read a book or watch a movie, some symbols will jump out at us, especially if the creators have done a good job drawing your attention to it. With other symbols, you won’t stop to analyze it. For example, if the scene takes place in a room with green walls, you won’t be thinking that the director wanted to reveal the subtext of life. But you can guarantee someone behind the scenes purposely picked that color because of what it symbolized and not because it was her favorite color. 

In the book Where the Heart Lies, Billie Letts used a tree to represent life and growth. Pregnant seventeen-year-old Novalee is abandoned by her boyfriend at a Walmart store. With nowhere to go, she secretly moves into the store. A woman mistakes her for a young girl she once knew and gives Novalee a Welcome Wagon gift of a buckeye tree. When the tree starts dying, Novalee tries to return it to the woman, who suggests they plant it in her garden, but only if Novalee comes by regularly to take care of it. This is the turning point in Novalee’s life. Ruth Ann’s actions are the first act of kindness Novalee has experienced in a while, and under the mothering of Ruth Ann, Novalee turns her life around. And of course (during the movie), we are reminded this with regular shots of the growing tree. 

Imagery

The use of imagery, such as a metaphor or simile, can enrich your story by adding subtext. For example (Whispers by Dean Koontz): 

“ . . . Mr. Frye believed that his mother—I think her name was Katherine—had come back from the dead in someone else’s body and was plotting to kill him. He hoped that the Marsden journal would give him a clue about how to deal with her.”

Joshua felt as if a large dose of ice-cold water had been injected into his veins. “Bruno never mentioned such a thing to me.”

If Joshua had said, “Hey man, you’re spooking me here,” the scene would not have been as powerful. He doesn’t want the other person to know just how unnerved his is about the situation. But the reader needs to know this.

It isn’t always necessary to spell out the subtext for your readers. Often it’s more satisfying for the reader if you let him figure it out for himself. That’s the beauty of fiction. It exercises our brains. However, if the subtext is confusing and is going to frustrate the reader, then definitely have a character spell it out. 

Do you enjoy writing subtext? Is it something your focus on when editing a draft?

Stina Lindenblatt writes young adult novels. In her spare time, she’s a photographer and blogging addict, and can be found hanging out on her blog, Seeing Creative.