Advice from Carolyn Kaufman, Part 3: Control Your Online Image

I've been posting a short series based advice for aspiring authors from my friend, fellow founding QT blogger, and critique partner, Carolyn Kaufman. Previous posts can be found here: Part 1: Professionalism and Part 2: Accepting Criticism

Carolyn passed away well before her time, but she left a rich legacy of advice for writers in her book and on her blogs, including Psychology Today and this one.

This is the third part of an interview she did for me back when her book, The Writer's Guide to Psychology, was about to come out.

What I’ve Learned: Advice for Writers Who Aspire to Publish  

Dr. Carolyn Kaufman 1973-2013 

3. Control your image: be conscientious about what you share online. 

This is a good general rule, but it’s doubly important when you’re trying to convince people – agents, editors, potential readers – that you’re a professional. 

Thanks to books (and films) like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, we all know that Hunter S. Thompson was heavily into drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, the same image might not do much for you if you’re writing YA or MG or even a nice nonfiction book on scrapbooking. Even if you are writing edgy material, you don’t want unsavory personal choices to overshadow your work, a la Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears.

Yes! I completely agree with Carolyn. I see this all the time. I guess it's the anonymity of the internet that makes people want to over-share, but stop! Please.

Querying authors: Save the behind the curtain posts for after you land an agent or publisher or decide to publish your book yourself. Don't put the angst of the process out there for everyone to see while it's happening. To outsiders, it looks like you are a failure (which rejection of a manuscript in this business is NOT), or it makes you look like a whiner to those inside. A little bit is okay, but were an agent to Google you, and see nothing but posts about rejection letter after rejection letter and how torn up and discouraged it makes you feel, it might affect his or her stand on what to do about your manuscript. It's a tough business. It takes tough people--or at least people who can appear tough. Sad, but true.

After the fact, whine and rant away if you feel you must, but be careful. It's out there forever.

As for online persona… I go to conferences and workshops all over the country and meet readers who feel like they know me simply from online interaction. Without having met me in person, they come up and introduce themselves (sometimes by Twitter handle) knowing I'm friendly and approachable because I work hard to give out that vibe online.

I can't even tell you how many times I've wanted to rant and rail about specifics of the industry or jump into a flame war over a review of what I though was a fantastic book by an author I love, but I don't. I never do. Not because I'm scared, but because there is absolutely no benefit from it. I write commercial fiction. I'm aware that the readers of my books don't really care about my political, religious, or industry beliefs. They care about books, and dogs, and my kids and funny crap I accidentally do or say--usually involving my dog or kids. Now, other authors are in different situations, especially if their works relate to specific issues hitting the coals. I can only speak to what works for me.

When I want to jump in the middle of something flaming on a board or Twitter, I step back and think, would I do that in real life? Would I tell a group of my friends that? If so, I go for it. But it's rare.

More than that, I think long and hard about how personal I want to get online. I'm pretty open, but I don't air dirty laundry. Some people put it all out there, and if it's helpful for them personally or professionally or enhances their platform, okay. For me, its like putting a personal diary out there for strangers to read and pass around. Not for me, thanks.

Carolyn mentioned genre related to persona being a consideration. I completely agree. In real life, I cuss like a sailor (thank you, Dad). Online, I intentionally don't swear because I speak at middle and high schools and write for teens in addition to adults. I don't want a school board or teen book club to cancel an appearance because they think I'm going to go all potty-mouth on campus in front of an auditorium full of students. Teens follow and interact with me on social media, and I never ever let myself forget that. I'm an ambassador for my books, my publishers, my genres, my profession and ultimately, my brand as an author. You know… I'm that super nice woman from Texas who loves meeting new people and writes ghost stores for teens and adults.

Carolyn had a fantastic online presence. She prided herself on her accessibility to aspiring writers as a resource of psychological issues addressed in books and for professional advice. Sadly, her website no longer exists, but you can check out some of her articles the links found at the bottom of Part 1 in this series.

Stina did a great post on online behavior recently you might want to check out called, You Really Want to Avoid This.

***

Mary Lindsey is one of the founding members of the QT Blog. 

She writes young adult novels for Penguin USA and is the author of Shattered Souls, Fragile Spirits, and Ashes on the Waves. She also writes adult romance for Entangled Publishing as Marissa Clarke. Love Me To Death is scheduled for publication October, 2014. 

Mary is represented by Kevan Lyon of the Marsal Lyon Literary Agency and can be found the following places: Twitter, Facebook, MaryLindsey.com and MarissaClarke.com. 

Glass Houses, Elephants, and the Internet

Image courtesy of Chemtec

The internet is a glass house crammed full of elephants.

No, really. It is. The Internet is a place that's fairly transparent--unless you happen to cavort on the Interwebs in a mask and sparkly cape. But as writers who are hoping to go pro in the business, if we're going to be on the Internet, we tend to go dressed as ourselves so people can find us. 

Because we want to be found.

This isn't a bad thing in and of itself. The danger, I think, is that sometimes it's easy to get too comfortable. After all, we're not really standing in a room full of strangers making witty conversation. We're typing away on an empty screen with the hope that the people we're connecting to are real people who live outside the computer. Sometimes it's easy to get too personal, too transparent.

Because it's so easy to forget about all those elephants crammed in the room with us.

But, see, elephants don't forget. Neither does the Internet. Someone web savvy enough can likely find anything that's ever come through the front door, the windows, and that side door we've never noticed until now. And that goes for deleted things to. So that really bad rejection letter, that day when everything went wrong and you're just itching to kick something--those are the times when it's wise to step away from the computer.

Here are some simple rules to keep those elephants from accidentally taking a step back and squashing you, because, well, being squished by an elephant is kind of permanent too.

Set Up Some Boundaries  

Boundaries are important. They aren't about other people, they're about what you'll do in any given situation. So it's good to start with some boundaries when you go on line. What will you talk about? What won't you talk about? How will you respond to people? For me, I don't really talk much about politics or religion. I have plenty of opinions on them, but I save those discussions for real life. Also, I don't put up pictures of my kids, name them, or even really discuss them. (There are some really weird people out there.) And I don't give out much personal information. Sometimes that last one is a tricky line to walk. As people, we want to get to know each other, see what we're thinking or talking about, and what's going on. We all like to connect. But some things fall under the category of Too Much Information. Like gallbladder surgery or that strange fungus growing between your toes. Let's just not go there. :)

The Golden Rule 


Remember that rule about doing unto others? Well, this one can save you from becoming an elephant imprint. If you want people to visit your blog/insert-social-media-preference-here, then start by visiting theirs. And commenting. If you want people to be gracious to you and your book, be gracious about theirs. Yes, there will always be Amazon reviewers in the world, but you've written a book that rocks, and the Discerning Public will see that. Reviewers or no reviewers. If you host contests or whatnot and you want people to spread the word, be sure to do the same for others. The Internet is a glass house, and people will notice even if you don't know they're noticing.

Remember What Your Mother Always Said 


That thing about not saying something if you don't have something nice to say is especially applicable when dealing with delicate breakables and large land mammals. Because the way you portray yourself online is the way the rest of us peeping into your house see you. One of my favorite movies of all time is Harvey. (Major paraphrasing to follow.) At one point the main character muses about his past. He told the doctor that his mother had told him that he had two choices in life. He could be oh, so clever or oh, so nice. Well, he'd spent thirty-five years being clever, and decided he'd much rather be nice. As writers, we have the ability to shape words into whatever we want. Shape them wisely.

Be Genuinely Yourself 


And last, but not least, be your very best self. That's who the people standing in your flower bed with their faces pressed up against the wall of your glass house want to see and get to know*. That's what keeps us coming back. There is a risk in being yourself, but I think with all the truly awesome people there are out there, the risk is worth it.

And if I had to condense all of this into one sentence: Be your best self, make sure you've got a nice picket fence around the house, and buy peanuts in bulk.

What's your take on glass houses and elephants?

* Okay, if we were talking about real houses, this would be downright creepy and stalkerish in which case I'd advise building your house out of something a little more opaque than glass. And securing a few restraining orders. But no worries. This is just a metaphor. :)

Danyelle collects dragons, talking frogs, and fairy godmothers in her spare time. She is currently getting ready to query SLIPPERS OF PEARL, a YA fantasy. She also enjoys making new friends, and can be found at http://myth-takes.blogspot.com.