Query Ninja Critique

We're adding a new feature here on the QT blog: query ninja. That's right, I'm a ninja in my spare time. Actually this stems from my eBook, From the Query to the Call, where I offer a free query critique for every buyer.

But we thought it might be beneficial for our blog readers to also see the process of breaking down a query and then rebuilding it into something absolutely amazing. So I bribed asked the fabulous Stina Lindenblatt, who had sent me her query to be ninjafied, if I could use her query for the inaugural post. She graciously agreed, and the nunchuckage is below.

Hopefully, you can learn something that you can then apply to your own query letter.

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Dear Ms. Dream Agent,

Ten months ago, Calleigh Clarkson (Oh my heck! I knew a girl in high school with this name. It was spelled different, but still. Freaky!) was a star on the high school swim team. But after a fan assaulted her, she quit swimming. Unwilling to tell anyone the truth, she buried herself in her studies. Now it’s summer vacation. She wants to be the fun-loving girl she once was, the one her friends miss. (Okay, I like all of this, but it’s sort of ho-hum-ish, you know? I get that you need to give it to me to set up the query, but I’d sort of like to be hooked in first. Can we start with the present and go back to the past?

Maybe something like: “Calleigh Clarkson has a new plan for summer vacation, and it doesn’t include studying or burying herself under the truth of what happened ten months ago.” Or something along those lines. Something that makes me go, “Oh, dude, I have to read on to find out A) what this new plan is and B) what happened ten months ago. You know? Yes? Maybe?

And then I might go into: “Once a star on her high school swim team, Calleigh quit when a fan assaulted her. But that’s history, and she wants to be the fun-loving girl she once was.” Or “Once a star on her high school swim team, Calleigh quit with a fan assaulted her. But she wants to put the past behind her and become the fun-loving girl she once was.” That establishes A) the new plan and B) what happened ten months ago. So then we’re ready for the next graf.)

Great plan, right? except Too bad her nightmares are growing more intense and frequent. And now she’s experiencing flashbacks. So not part of the plan. (love this! You need more of this, which is why I put the “right?” up there at the beginning of this graf.) Calleigh’s determined to deal with them on her own, before anyone figures out something’s wrong. Fail that, and her mom will drag her to a shrink. (Why? Is this something her mom just does? Because when there’s something wrong with my kid, I don’t automatically think I need to drag them to a shrink. Just food for thought. Is her mom a bit eccentric? Overworked? One extra word here is all you need. “Fail that, and her overburdened mom will drag her to a shrink.” Or, “Fail that, and her eccentric mom will drag her to a shrink.” Or something to indicate that this is the first step, because I think it might actually NOT be for a lot of parents.) And that’s the last thing Calleigh wants.

Then she meets Aaron. (Blah. This is blah. I want to have a better transition here. A better connection to the dreams/flashbacks to Aaron. You’ve got this whole second paragraph about the dreams/flashbacks, and then they’re never mentioned again. How do they relate? So you need a segue here (and I did a little rearranging/combining): “Aaron, a former competitive swimmer, helps Calleigh deal with her disturbing dreams. But he has a secret of his own: his sister committed suicide. As a romance develops between them, Calleigh realizes that for either of them to heal, they both need to return to swimming. Only someone doesn’t want that to happen.”

I have to say that I’m not sure about the “that” in the last sentence. What don’t they want to have happen? The swimming? Or the healing?)

He’s a former competitive swimmer, haunted by a secret. As a romance develops between them, Calleigh discovers Aaron’s sister committed suicide. She realizes that for them to heal, they both need to return to the sport they love. But before she can do that, Calleigh has to push past her fear, and find the courage to swim again. Only someone doesn’t want that to happen.

LOST IN A HEARTBEAT is a 76,000-word young adult contemporary novel, which will appeal to fans of Sarah Dessen and Sarah Ockler.

A member of the SCBWI, I’ve attended New York City and Los Angeles annual conferences for the past three years. My writing credits include several parenting articles published in CALGARY’S CHILD and THE WESTERN PARENT. (Nice! Great creds.)

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Okay, overall, I think it reads fine and all, but you have a spot or two with great voice, but the rest of it is lackluster. I think you could really shine it up a bit, add in some more voice and it would be killer.

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Got a query you want the ninja to look at? Email Elana at elanajohnson(at)querytracker(dot)net.

'Tis The Season

I don't mean it's time for parties and sleigh rides and stuff. No, I mean it's the season to get your query ready.

In this post, I'm not going to talk about how to get your query ready. (I've already done that here. And there's a wealth of info on that particular topic.) No, this post is about the "best time" to query.

I've seen this talked about a lot in forums and on blogs. I've heard people say you shouldn't query during the summer. And you can't query during the holidays. And you shouldn't query at the beginning of the year because every writer has made a New Year's resolution to send out queries.

Reading all that can make an aspiring author throw their hands up and proclaim, "When is the best time to query then??"

Well, here's my personal opinion. (And I queried over the summer. In fact, many requests came in the summer.)

Q: When to query?

A: When your 1. manuscript 2. query letter 3. synopsis and 4. nerves are ready. Regardless of the season. Because agents are always looking for good books. Always. They're always going to be busy with this, that and the other. So don't stress it.

Query when your material is the best you can make it. And trust that the industry will be ready when you are.

A few good reads on this topic. Nathan Bransford posted this last year. And it's still true today.

Jessica Faust gives some info on how you know when you're ready to query.

Emily Marshall at Author2Author gives some sound advice on when to query.

I agree with all of them. Perfect, perfect, perfect. The MS, the query letter, the synop. Research agents. All that jazz. Get some steel and coat your nerves in it.

Then hit send.

Publishing Pulse 10/9/09

Happy Friday! Lately I've been hearing from our blog readers that they are exclusively querying agents listed here in the Pulse with much success. And today I have several new leads to report:

Sarah Heller of the Helen Heller Agency represents an internationally best selling list, specializing in first fiction, with a focus on high end commercial adult and YA fiction.

Terra Chalberg of the Susan Golumb Literary Agency is seeking commercial fiction, literary fiction, offbeat/quirky, and short story collections. In non-fiction she is seeking biography and memoirs, business and finance, history and military, journalism, narrative, science and technology, travel, and women's issues.

Monika Verma of the Levine Greenberg Agency is looking for a wide variety of material. From the LG website: Monika keeps a special place in her heart for pop culture, humor, narrative non-fiction, fashion, foodie, and music titles. She loves to represent books that makes people's lives just a few degrees sunnier, be those quirky memoirs, satirical humor collections, or old-fashioned cookbooks. On the fiction side, she stays up far too late reading literary mysteries and suspense, especially those from across the pond (some of her favorites are Kate Atkinson and Benjamin Black). She often suspects that she was born in the wrong century, and loves books that give her a window into an older way of life.

Erin Edmison of the Karpfingers Agency is accepting queries for literary fiction, multicultural fiction, offbeat/quirky, and short story collections. In non-fiction she represents biography and memoirs, celebrity, pop culture, music film and entertainment, cultural/social issues, current affairs and politics, history and military, journalism, multicultural, narrative, science and technology, travel, and women's issues.

Lucinda Blumenfeld with Fletcher & Company is interested in representing journalists, specialists, and emerging, young voices. Specific categories include: narrative and prescriptive nonfiction, business, memoir, YA, cultural studies, commercial and literary fiction.

And last but not least, Jason Yarn with Paradigm Agency is looking for just about everything but Children's. (Check out his QT profile for a complete list.)

Now head on over to the brand new Query Tracker and start querying! And be sure to mention in your query that we sent you. *wink*

On the Web:

Check out Writer's Digest's Popular Fiction Awards, a short story contest with lots of cool prizes. Entry deadline is November 2nd.

Rachelle Gardener delighted me with a blog post I love enough to print and frame: Gone Fishing is a delightful collection of ways to be the best writer you can be. Thanks, Rachelle!

Be sure to read GLA's post on What You Should Write in the Bio Paragraph of a Query.

SALE of a Secret Writing Weapon: Are you not getting the response you hoped for with your queries? Look no further than From the Query to the Call. Written by our own query expert Elana Johnson, it is on sale this weekend only. You can own this e-book, which could be your key to unlocking agents' doors. I recommend it whole-heartedly and would love to hear of your success stories resulting from it!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Publishing Pulse 9/18/09

I have some great news for all writers who are in need of a killer query. Our own Elana Johnson, who is known in our circle as a query goddess, has penned an ebook that will help you write your best query. This came after many, many people contacted her asking for help with their queries. (Ahem - including yours truly!)

For more information about Elana's book, click this link: From the Query to the Call. Also, check out the Query Ninja for a fun look at a real query that has been karate-chopped to smithereens and then reassembled into something stellar.

In publishing news, agent Ted Malawer, formerly of Firebrand Literary Agency, has joined Upstart Crow Literary. Mr. Malawer specializes in Children's Fiction, and is particularly looking for Middle Grade and Young Adult. Check out this interview on the Guide to Literary Agents blog.

Win a pitch session with Deirdre Knight of The Knight Agency. There are some conditions, so read here for all the info.

Leisure Books has put out a call for "Fresh Blood." If you have a finished horror novel of 80-90 thousand words, this contest may be your lucky break. The winner will receive a contract for publication in Leisure's 2011 line-up. Contest deadline is September 30th, so be sure to enter soon!

Lady Glamis, a staunch supporter of the QueryTracker blog from its inception, has announced a contest over at the Literary Lab. Be sure to keep an eye on their site - lots of fun prizes await you!

Happy Friday, everyone. I wish you a restful weekend with plenty of time for writing.

Suzy