Believability or Bust

                                                                    ©Disney

What is one of the best ways to kick a reader out of your story? Write a story that pole vaults over the bar of believability and lands in the mud of “I don’t think so.”

This summer, I took my kids to see the newest Winnie the Pooh movie. At one point in the movie *spoiler alert*, all of the friends (minus Piglet and Tigger) fell into a deep pit. Their only hope of escape was Piglet. At one point my seven year old asked (loudly), “Why doesn’t Owl fly out?” This echoed what everyone else in the theatre was thinking. A few minutes later, Owl did exactly that. He flew up and gave Piglet a motivational speech, so that Piglet would brave the scary woods, looking for Christopher Robin. Owl then flew back into the pit to face the shocked expressions of his friends. Only they weren’t shocked that Owl flew out of the pit. They were shocked at what he had said to Piglet. The friends applauded and the audience laughed.

I recently read a story in which a character had a football hurled at his face. What happened next threw me out of the story because it defied the laws of physics. After the ball hit the guy’s nose, hard, the ball fell to the ground. The nose didn’t break or bleed, but a large zit on it exploded like a volcano and shot pus across a distance of several feet before it landed on someone’s face. Impossible. If pus had come out of the zit, more than likely it would have come off on the ball when it made contact. It certainly wouldn’t have waited a few seconds then spontaneously flew out of the zit, and it certainly wouldn’t have been able to travel that far, not at the trajectory it would have had to travel. As a result of the lack of credibility, I quit reading the story.

So why didn’t I have a problem with the scene in the Winnie the Pooh movie, but I did with the football story? Because as early as the opening scene in the movie, it was made clear that the animal friends lacked for intelligence. Due to the sequence of events that happened between the opening and Owl flying out of the pit, we could easily believe that none of the friends would have questioned why Owl didn’t just fly out and get help. If the football story had taken place in world filled with magic and humor, and this was established in the first chapter, then I would have found it believable. But since it was set in our world, a world where the laws of physics rule, it didn’t work for me.

To avoid the issue of lack of believability, always ask yourself: “Have I given enough set up to the story so my readers are able to believe this event can happen this way?” If you’re not sure if it is feasible, ask someone who knows the answer. For example, if your protagonist is caught with drugs in his school locker, ask a police officer what would really happen to the character. Don’t make things up and hope for the best.

Has lack of believability thrown you out of a story? What do you do to make sure all aspects of your story (and characterization) are believable?

Stina Lindenblatt writes young adult novels. In her spare time, she’s a photographer and blogging addict, and can be found hanging out on her blog, Seeing Creative.

Writing the Query Letter – The Setup

Okay, once you've hooked the agent to read your whole query letter, you've got to deliver. You can't just have a hook and then let everything else slide. Following the hook, you need to get to the problem. This requires a little bit of setup. Yesterday, you may have noticed that I included the age of the protag in my hooks. Of course I specify my genre, but the agent knows right away which age group it is. Little details like that contribute to the setup in your query even if they're not in the setup portion.

In the setup, you have a few goals:
1. Provide a few details about who your main character is. You've hooked the agent to find out more about your main character, so give them what they want.
2. World-building information if pertinent. For fantasy and science fiction, a little taste of the world would go in the setup section of the query. For mystery, horror, thriller or other genres, including the setting here wouldn't be a bad idea.
3. The catalyst that moves the main character into the conflict (tomorrow's post).

Let's look at this hook I posted yesterday. Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

Here's the paragraph right after it—the setup.

Whenever she's high, Annie has vivid visions of a death she can't remember and a guy she's never met. (details) When she meets Jonathan Clarke, the ghostly boy from her hallucinations, she realizes her drug use has masked the abilities she's inherited from her magic-keeping mother. (Details = Annie inherits magic. World-building = magic-keeping mother, hmm...) Wielding magic isn't everything it's cracked up to be; Annie discovers her newfound powers can't cure her terminally ill mother. (More details = Annie's mom is sick. World-building = magic can't fix everything. Catalyst for next para on the conflict = magic can't fix everything, Annie's powers are new and she can't do what she wants with them.)

This setup paragraph is three sentences, only 65 words. But (I think, I hope, I pray) it tells more about Annie, more about the magic, and drives the agent toward the main conflict in the story. That's what you want your setup section of the query letter to do. Don't bog us down in too many details. Don't introduce your entire cast of secondary characters. Don't try to impress with sentences that are 65 words long by themselves. Just lay it out for us. Remember, you want to get to the conflict. Think of the setup as a bridge from the sharp hook to the cliffhanger conflict.

Okay, your turn. Using this hook I posted yesterday and the setup paragraph below, can you tell if I've met the goals for the setup paragraph?

Hook: In a world where Thinkers control the population and the Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a spectacular job of shattering them to pieces.

Setup:

Refusing to listen to the Tapes, stealing an old ID card, and walking in the park after dark with a boy land Vi in prison. The Good are usually separated from the Bad, but Vi finds herself sharing a cell with beautiful Bad boy, Jag Barque.

In these two sentences (47 words) can you find the details? Can you identify where more is revealed about the world Vi lives in? What's the catalyst that will propel the agent forward to the conflict?

Now these examples might not be stellar. Remember, they're just my query letters, and I'm no expert. The first one has seen some good requests. The second hasn't been queried yet.

Your job: go examine your setup paragraph. Does it reveal details, build your world (or identify the setting), and propel you toward the conflict? Can't even find it? Um, Houston you have a problem. You need to be able to clearly identify your setup so you can know if you're, well, setting up your conflict.

Didn't see part one of Writing the Query Letter – The Hook? Click here to see it. Watch for the next section, Writing the Query Letter – The Conflict, tomorrow.