A poignant story of love and self discovery that you've already forgotten

My family watches MST3K's Santa Claus Conquers The Martians every Christmas. It's our personal wacky tradition, and often I surprise myself by catching a new reference even though I've seen it twenty times.

This year, I caught Tom Servo whispering under his breath. Joel has managed to get ahold of some classic Christmas films, and then at the end he's down to a few low-budget films from the bottom of the bag.

Joel: This one is The Christmas That Totally Ruled. It's about a curmudgeonly old man who learns the true meaning of Christmas.
Servo: Fresh idea!

The meta-irony here, of course, is that I found something fresh in a movie I've seen at least twenty-five times, but for now, just keep it in mind that every genre has its cliches.

On January 1st, I got a multi-book ad in my inbox, and one of the books was this:

"A poignant story of love and self-discovery." Doesn't that make you want to run right out and plunk twenty dollars on the counter at Barnes and Noble? "I heard someone talking about this book," you might say. "It was really intriguing, and I just can't get the concept out of my mind."

Or, as Servo would say, "Fresh idea!"

Would I be correct in assuming that fifty percent of the books published in the past hundred years involve love or self-discovery? And that many involve both? This particular book's genre is literary. Can you name a title in the literary genre that in no way deals with self-discovery? Some characters may resist self-discovery, but I think in most literary fiction, discovering things about oneself drives the character development.

What makes literary love and self-discovery so precious to the reader are the circumstances under which they take place. The love takes place across enemy lines at wartime. The self-discovery occurs at great personal price in a woman wondering why she consistently sacrifices for people who don't value her at all.

Queriers, take heed. Anyone who takes part in a Twitter pitch event like #PitMad, take even more heed. Don't do this to your story.

Do not pitch your romance as "A couple meets and falls in love, but they face many obstacles to happiness." Yes, that's a given. Tell me that he's an animal rights activist and she's a slaughterhouse owner, and now we've got something more memorable.

Similarly, don't query your fantasy as "In a world where magic is commonplace, one amulet may hold the key to power."

(I can do this all day. "In order to succeed, Chris will have to overcome many hurdles, but the stakes have never been higher!")

Avoid having your future agent to open your query and mutter, "Fresh idea!" just before deleting it.

1. Read widely in your genre so you'll know the standard tropes.
2. Go beyond those tropes when pitching your story. You can do that by including setting, timeframe, or other details that set your book apart.
3. Keep touch with those tropes, though, so your story feels comfortably within its genre. 

The last point means you need to take your trope and leave it unsaid while simultaneously dancing all around it. 

Take your curmudgeonly old man learning the true meaning of Christmas. Don't say curmudgeonly, but tell us he's hated Christmas ever since his wife died four years ago on Christmas Eve. Don't say he learns the true meaning of Christmas, but give us a bit of his situation (maybe he volunteers to take a 24-hour shift at a local animal shelter so everyone else can have the day with their kids.) And then give us the situation that challenges our MC's steady state. He finds a runaway boy huddling among the dog crates for warmth, and now they're going to spend Christmas together.

We don't need to hear "finds the true meaning of Christmas" but by that point in the pitch, your brain has anticipated the trope, and now we want to know about the kid, about the man, about the puppy we're sure the kid is going to bond with during the holiday, and maybe about the turkey sandwich they split because all the takeout places are closed and it's the only food in the building.

Maybe you want to read it now. Maybe I do too.

I suspect the poor book in the ad above is a complicated and intriguing novel that a beleaguered marketing intern on a deadline had no idea how to pitch, and that's why it ended up as "love and self-discovery."

But for your own complicated and intriguing novel, see how much you can add with only a little work. Try adding in a timeframe: "A story of love and self-discovery during the Black Plague." Or a location: "A story of love and self-discovery at a hot dog cart in Times Square." Or character: "An anarchist descendant of Alexander Hamilton engages in a journey of love and self-discovery."

Take the hobbles off your story so the thing can stretch out and run. And then, when it catches your future agent's eye, she'll say, "Fresh idea!" and really mean it.

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Writing a Personalized Query Letter

This month, we’re talking about the query process and query letters—and I admit it’s been a long time since I’ve written one.

So, I thought, since I happen to have a completed manuscript sitting here on my desk (handy, right?) but never wrote a query for it, why not give it a shot?

Writing exercises like this are an excellent way for writers to work on their craft. (Another good exercise? Write a synopsis. That’s like a P90X-level craft workout, right there.)

While I had no query written for this particular book, I did have a hook line written (thanks to this article which I keep on my favorites list. This post is part of series that goes on to discuss the set-up and the conflict. If you haven’t yet read those articles yet, do it now).

I took a few minutes to write my query letter using Elana Johnson’s pointers, and clocked in at 250 words.

Not bad, I thought. I opened with the title, word count, genre, and hook line. I described my character in her place and time, I mentioned her internal and external conflicts, and I talked about the man who pushes her through that important doorway in the story, that point of no return. I followed with a little comparison to other books and closed it politely, professionally. Just like Elana taught us, way back with the QTB was new.

That’s why those articles are classic—the advice works just as well now as it did then.

But writing the query isn’t a once-and-done thing—it is and should forever be an ever-changing individual approach to an individual agent.

I wrote my query before even looking at agents because I wanted to capture the essence of my book in a pitch. However, once I started looking at agent profiles, I realized that I’d have to go back to the query and tweak it.

I’d written the query for me. In actuality, I should have written it for the agent.

One Size Doesn't Fit All
A query template is a very good place to start your query, but you can’t stop there. The next reference should be the agent’s guidelines for querying, because what they want trumps all you do. Plain and simple.

The first agent on my list wanted a letter including background and writing experiences, along with three chapters attached.

The second agent on my list should be mentioned as the target for the query, with the actual query sent to another person. She wanted first four pages included in-message as well as a submission history.

The third agent wanted the query emailed to her personal address at the agency, with three chapters in the body of the email. They also provide a file of queries they’ve received in the past with their reactions/reader commentaries so you can polish your query before sending it.

Three agents, three separate sets of guidelines. Why would it even make sense to send the same query to all three?

Make It Personal
Sometimes, writers are so excited to get those queries out that they take shortcuts. Shortcuts are bad. You’ve spent months, if not years, perfecting your novel. Now is not the time to slap a sloppy generic label on it and spam people with it.

Don’t:

• Start with “Dear Agent”
• Send query as a mass email (more than one agent in subject field. BCC’ing it does not make it all better.)
• Send an identical copy to every agent on your list
• Attach things that are preferred in-message and vice versa
• Assume that an agent will be overjoyed that you disregarded guidelines

Do:

• Start fresh with each letter. Of course you can keep your hook intact, but starting out the query and finishing up fresh each time gives you the chance to personalize the letter to that individual agent. It will keep you from putting the wrong name on it. It will ensure you have the agent’s sub guidelines open in one window while you email them in another. 

They say a book is never truly finished until it’s in the hands of a reader. I think the same applies to a query. A query is never truly finished until it’s been personally written for a single agent. If you can write a book with the hopes of making one single person happy reading it, then the least you could do is provide the same for an agent on your query list.

For more on the topic of querying, be sure to check out Elana Johnson’s series on writing the query  as well as these five mistakes to avoid when querying.

Elevator Pitch Winners per Agent Mollie Glick!

Mollie Glick of Foundry Literary + Media was kind enough to serve as judge for our most recent contest on elevator pitches.

After carefully considering all of the fabulous entries, she's selected her 11 favorites.

These lucky winners will be asked to submit their partial manuscript to Ms. Glick!

Drumroll please...

And the winners are (in alphabetical order by username)

acarthur (YA)

Krystal Bentley has a crush and he’s everything she ever wished for, he’s movie-star cute, laughs at her dry humor and listens to her rantings about her divorced parents without judging. There’s only one problem—he’s dead.

alh719 (narrative fiction/memoir)

On December 7, 2007, I was slugged by a drunk frat boy. In that instant, I realized that living with 65 college women wasn't as glamorous as I thought it would be.

SORORITY HOUSE MOM is the tale of my two-year romp as the house director for a female version of Animal House. While celebrating all that is good, magical, and enchanting about sorority life, it also tells what can happen when things go terribly wrong.

auntpeapie (Adult Fiction)

Olivia Howard transitioned from obedient Air Force brat to dedicated wife and mother, but her orderly life is disrupted when she learns her teenage son and his girlfriend are expecting a child. When the idea of adoption is mentioned, she supports their choice, but no one anticipates her proposal to raise the child as her own—a suggestion interpreted as selfless to some, yet selfish by others, including her husband. AN IMAGINED LIFE explores how her decision threatens to unravel the stability she’s endeavored to achieve.

bgheald (Adult Fiction)

Shelby Holt knows she can’t trust her heart but when she meets Chad Graham she doubts she can trust her head either. The new ranch hand looks uncannily like the man she loved--a man whose death she’s determined to prove was no accident.

collie (Literary Gothic)

After her sister's suicide, Doril is sent to care for her reclusive and delusional great grandmother in Swale Hall on the edge of the Yorkshire moors. She becomes immersed in the old woman's imaginary world, gets to know the still passionately loved, long dead,Tristrum, and discovers the misconceptions that caused such anguish in their relationship.

fictionwriter (YA)

A fifteen-year-old American boy vacationing in Paris stumbles into a murder attempt, and plays a dangerous game to solve a puzzle and prevent an international crisis in THE FOGGED MIRROR.

kerribookwriter (YA)

When troublemaking fifteen year old Tina Lilly is sent to live with her grandmother, she has trouble adjusting to the slow way of life in small town Texas . Things suddenly take a turn after she discovers an old journal in the attic which reveals a murder her grandmother committed fifty years earlier.

In this “My So-Called Life meets Veronica Mars” coming of age romantic suspense novel, Tina will learn that sometimes living a lie is the only way to survive the truth.

kph555 (Adult Fiction)

HUNGER IN THE HEART OF GATOR TOWN is a Southern literary novella, with a finished sequel, about a young boy coming to terms with the consequences World War II has had on his family.

His beloved, shell-shocked, and unpredictable, father stages continual games of war to train his son, his bigoted, alcoholic mother blames the misfortune in her marriage on the black soldier whose life her husband saved, and his manipulative, cantankerous grandfather stirs up constant trouble between the two, while Coleman Puttman Bridgeman, III, is in the center of it all, fighting a personal war of survival.

When the boy’s father is suspiciously shot and killed, his grandfather accuses his daughter-in-law, and a bitter estrangement between Coleman and his mother is set in motion, tempered only by the family’s wise gardener and a neighbor girl with family problems of her own.

lauramcneal (Mystery/Suspense)

A young woman is kidnapped and disappears without a trace; three years later, a senator dies mysteriously, their paths linked by fate and the colliding ambitions of others – the head of the state lottery who will stop at nothing to become the next governor and the missing woman’s sister, whose relentless quest to find the truth threatens to bring him down.

Number_One (YA)

With his dad unemployed and money too tight to buy the comic books he pores over with his friends, Prentis Porter thinks eighth grade at his lousy new school can’t get any worse -- until a deadly cafeteria shooting not only leaves him questioning how he mysteriously survived, but his father’s miraculous appearance as it all ended.

His parents now constantly arguing as more losses pound his family, the imaginative teen finds himself increasingly alone, struggling with sometimes terrible revelations about his best friends, teachers, and family as he pursues the greatest secret of all -- the one he's begun to believe his father holds. Is it even possible, or is Prent the victim of his own imagination:

Is his father some kind of real-life superhero?

StevenLevy (YA)

President Lincoln was stabbed to death before being reelected – that’s what history books would say were it not for two daring, clever, and accidentally reeking children from our own time.

Ted and Carin, preteens living with their emotionally broken father in rural Washington State, find an antique key that opens the door on a sweltering afternoon in the other Washington (DC), where the Civil War is raging and conspirators are plotting to kill the president. Somehow, between stumbling into the sewage-ridden Washington Canal, sneaking into the loosely guarded White House only to lose each other in the vast building, and dodging a soldier still angry over his war wounds and a medium who claims she can reveal their future, these two children, out of place and out of time, must stop a murder that would change history – and find their way back home.

Ms. Glick also compiled a list of honorable mentions. They include:

aliciamuhlestein (YA)

Sent to live with her grandmother at Tamlin Manor, Anika learns that someday she will assume her role as heiress of Tamlin and caretaker of the earth--Mother Nature.

When William Shakespeare sends his son to take over his responsibilities at Tamlin and an Arthurian knight is spotted spying, Anika finds herself in the middle of a few mysteries, an ancient love story, and an admirer who is sworn to a secret not even the myths can know.

Amanda_Sullivan (Narrative Non-Fiction)

Families with children diagnosed as having “mental health issues” such as Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, or any of the other devastating names that are becoming so common to our vocabularies, tend to become lost in the psychological community. Usually they have searched for years looking for answers and they are tired and confused by the lingo, the meds, the social difficulties, the entire family feels it and suffers. This book is a parent’s “guide” through counseling and a Pollyanna approach to finding the true beauty in their child.

aprilannerwin (Adult Fiction)

Kianna Ravencamp’s dream has always been to find The One – but being plus-sized is a real hindrance on the romance market; add in the fact that every relationship around her is dysfunctional and she gives up hope that true love like her parents’ is still possible. Instead, she focuses on the next best thing, her dream of being a songwriter. God has bigger things in mind though – like Nick, Jason and Derek - and her journey to fulfill one dream may just upset everything she believes true about romance, herself, and The One.

chazley (YA)

High school holds as many secrets as a UFO crash site, and no one keeps her mouth shut better than Em Hopkins, a lone shape-shifter in a world of ordinary people.

Em can be anyone you want, from Barack Obama to Avril Lavigne; when the need to shift engulfs her, she can be anyone but herself. HOWEVER YOU WANT ME is a novel about identity, lies, and falling in love with the Hawaiian boy next door (or his brother).

cncurtin (YA)

THE UNICORN TAMER is where Greek mythology meets Pokémon, a young adult fantasy about a 13-year-old girl named Emma Brown, whose destiny is to rehabilitate all the endangered species - from the ordinary blue whales to the extraordinary griffons. The problem is her destiny clashes with a Hunter named Theron, who's destined to wipe out the animal race and prove that man is the most powerful beast of all.

When Theron kidnaps her parents, Emma attempts to rescue them and, in the process, inadvertently discovers a leprechaun city, saves a baby unicorn, and changes the fate of all endangered species - ordinary and extraordinary.

dutchhenry (Adult Fiction)

The cancer is winning, and she'll be gone by fall -- but they have one last summer. One hot summer to consummate a lifetime of love, to cry together, laugh together ... remember together. But when a troubled young girl and an injured horse turn to them for help, Mary and Sam Holt's eloquent final goodbye will embrace the labors of lovingly nursing the horse and leaving an enduring, healing mark on the girl.

harriet (Romantic Suspense)

A sgian dhub dagger links the murder of a handsome 34-year-old man in present-day Boston to a vow made by a Scottish ancestor 700 years earlier. The victim’s widow and his wealthy, powerful best friend are determined to uncover the reason for the senseless killing and avenge it. United by a mutual goal, the two find it increasingly difficult to resist a powerful attraction to each other.

LorettaWheeler (Historical Paranormal Romance)

It is the 1800’s in the heart of New Orleans, where above ground graves guard their secrets with moss cloaked tenacity, and where Deidre Devereaux has not only inherited a plantation, but something more…something wicked…something long dead; something that wants her, and her soul.

LynnRush (YA)

Maybe if Emma Martin hadn’t witnessed vampires kill her first true love, she’d be more willing to fall in love again. Despite her best efforts to resists him, Jake Cunningham steals Emma’s heart. But when his family starts triggering her mystical tattoo, which detects the undead, she may be forced to hunt them.

Congratulations to all! Winners, please email me at the address in the sidebar for details on your submission prize.

Big thanks to Mollie Glick for serving as judge, and thanks to everyone who entered. Remember, even if you didn't win our contest you can still query Ms. Glick with your complete and polished project!

Mollie Glick

After graduating from Brown University, Mollie began her publishing career as a literary scout, advising foreign publishers regarding the acquisition of rights to American books. She then worked as an editor at the Crown imprint of Random House, before switching over to "the other side" and becoming an agent at JVNLA (The Jean V. Naggar Literary Agency) in 2003. Mollie's list includes literary fiction, narrative non-fiction, and a bit of practical non- fiction. She's particularly interested in fiction that bridges the literary/commercial divide, combining strong writing with a great plot, and non-fiction dealing with popular science, medicine, psychology, cultural history, memoir and current events. She's very hands-on, working collaboratively with her authors to refine their projects, then focusing on identifying just the right editors for the submissions. In addition to her work as a literary agent, Mollie also teaches classes on non-fiction proposal writing at Media Bistro, and a copy of her instructional article on non-fiction proposal writing will be featured in this year's edition of the Writers Digest guide to literary agents.

Can YOU Query a Tune? A Query Contest!

Okay my little QT-patooties, it's contest time again!

The inspiration for this contest came when I inadvertently composed a query song.

I have a mock-up book trailer for my novel, The Edge of Memory. For the background music, I used the song with the lyrics snippet that inspired me with the novel idea. UMG has approved personal use of the song on youtube. However, if I ever published the book, I wouldn't be able to use Half Acre any more. Which has caused me to ponder on odd occasions what I would use instead.

A few weeks ago, a tune* popped into my head (This happens to me from time to time. Usually, I forget them.) When I have access to a piano keyboard, I plot them out and write them down. Sans keyboard, though, the only way I'll ever remember them later is to make up lyrics to them.

With lyrics, I'll remember the tune indefinitely. As evidence, I submit my full recollection of the pop tune I wrote in the 80's titled It's a Fantasy Which is GRIPPING, I tell you.

So I wrote lyrics to the tune. About my book. A musical query, so to speak.

In her hands unfolded is a letter unclear

The search for its meaning will take her from here

When she follows the train tracks to places unknown

She'll uncover dark secrets and make them her own.

Chorus:

As haunted now as haunted then

Still haunted by "Remember when..."

Truth doesn't always set you free

At the razor's edge of memory.

As someone who bursts into song without provocation, I love the idea of musical queries. And what better way to get musical queries than a QT query contest?

So here are the rules:

1. The contest will run for one week. Submissions will be accepted until 6 pm EST on 5-5-09
2. Your song should include at least one verse and a chorus.
3. An actual tune is optional (but STRONGLY encouraged)
4. Parodies are totally cool with me, so you can just say "To the tune of ___".
5. Since this is not an agent contest, query songs for unfinished (or completely imaginary) manuscripts are acceptable.

Post your query lyrics as a comment on this thread. If you have an actual tune of your own, you can upload it to imeem.com or similar and include the link. And I wouldn't discourage any youtube performances, either.

My favorite entry will receive a fabulous prize!

A copy of Agent Demystified by Authoress of Miss Snark's First Victim.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the query process and the hunt for an agent, this is the book for you!

*Please bear in mind that the only music-writing education I had was a 4-week special lesson in third grade, so I wasn't able to transcribe the tune perfectly, and the timing is a smidge off in this sample.

Blog Contest Featuring Literary Agent Joanna Stampfel-Volpe

Submissions are now open!

Contest: Can you sum up your book in one sentence?

Joanna Stampfel-Volpe of Nancy Coffey Literary will be judging your one line hook. That’s one sentence people. One period. Don’t compound yourselves to death. We’ve blogged about this (hooks, loglines, pitches, high-concept hooks) several times. Click on these links to read some examples.

Ms. Volpe is currently looking for a wide range of fiction from young adult, fantasy, science fiction, romance, thrillers, women’s fiction, middle grade, historical and commercial fiction as well as non-fiction in a few areas. Before submitting, please check out her profile on QueryTracker to make sure she represents your genre.

Please follow the guidelines below. If you don't, your entry will be deleted and we don't want this to happen to anyone!

The Finer Deets:

1. Your one line hook should be emailed to me, Elana Johnson. My email address is elanajohnson (at) querytracker (dot) net. Note the spelling of my name. The first vowel is an E. The second is not. Please don’t bombard me with repeat emails. I'm on Spring Break (finally!) today and will be sitting in front of the computer, anxiously awaiting your submission.

2. Please put "One Line Hook Submission" in the subject of your email.

3. With your submission, please include your real name and genre. Only completed manuscripts should be entered.

Like this:
Real Name:
Genre:
One line hook:


Things That Are Good to Know:

1. I will send you a quick “Got it.” email when I copy your entry for Ms. Volpe. Again, don’t send a repeat email. If you spell my name right, I'm going to get it.

2. The submission window will be open for 24 hours (until 9 AM Eastern time on Tuesday, April 14. ETA: the contest is now in the judging stage. Please don't send any more entries.). As of now, there is no limit to the number of entries, but watch the blog for updates.

3. Any entries longer than one sentence will be deleted without being sent to Ms. Volpe. Again, don’t compound yourselves to death.

4. You may only submit once, even if you have multiple projects. Go with your best one.

5. This is not an open critique. Your entry will not be published here on the blog for others to see. Only Ms. Volpe will be reading the entries and choosing the ones she likes (which then may be posted on the blog when the winners are announced. But no one will be shredding them).

6. The winners will be announced next Monday, April 20. Here's what Ms. Volpe has offered:
Grand Prize: Full submission of your manuscript
1st Place: 50-page submission
2nd Place: 30-page submission
3rd Place: 10-page submission


So what would we enter if we could?

Mary Lindsey: SOUL PURPOSE is a 68,000-word YA paranormal romance about a sixteen year-old reincarnated ghost hunter with past-life amnesia who is being pursued by a demon who wants her dead and a hot guy who just wants her.

Michelle McLean: Minuette Sinclair is a proper young Victorian lady who falls for the man of her parents' worst nightmares and becomes entangled in the search for a priceless necklace with a bloody past.

Elana Johnson: In a world where Thinkers control the population and Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet—who refuses to be brainwashed—does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces in her search for answers about her “dead” sister and not-so-missing father.

Carolyn Kaufman (Archetype): A man wants to eradicate magic from the world until he falls in love with a sorceress...and discovers he can use magic himself.

H.L. Dyer: Maybe if Beatrice knew someone faked her death as a child, she wouldn't be so desperate to remember the first decade of her life.

Suzette Saxton: Hallie knows the sounds coming from behind her bedroom wall aren’t cockroaches, but if she knew what was really back there, she might rethink her quest to uncover the truth in SECRET SISTERS, a contemporary coming of age MG mystery with a twist.

And...go!

Note from Archetype/Carolyn: Today's post is by fellow writer Michelle McLean. If you've been struggling all week to come up with a one-line elevator pitch, this article is for you!  Now, I'm the sort that likes worksheets to scribble on when I'm tackling something as important as this, so I created a worksheet to go with Michelle's article.  You can find it here in PDF format.  Once you're all finished, feel free to share what you came up with in the comments of Mary's Elevator Pitch post .

Writing a Logline/The One-Sentence Pitch

by Michelle McLean

In this article, we are going to discuss how to create a logline for a novel. It is important to remember that every story is different. Some will need a little more information, and others can get the point across in three words or less. Well…maybe a few more than three words, but you get my drift.

First of all, what is a logline?

A logline is basically a one line summary of a screenplay or script. Since we are creating these for a novel instead of a script, we’ll call them hook lines. They can run two or three lines, but no more than that.

Why do you need one?

Your hook line, like a logline, takes a story full of complex plotlines and high-concept ideas and breaks it down into a simple sentence that can be quickly and easily conveyed to a wide range of people. Your hook line is your first pitch in getting someone interested in your book. It can be used as the first line in your query letter, to help hook the agent into reading the rest of the letter and requesting information. And it is especially useful for those pitch sessions at conferences or lunches. When a prospective agent or editor asks you what your book is about, your hook line is your answer. Because it is a simple line or two, it is also handy for those family dinner parties when Grandma asks what your book is about.

How do you create a hook line?

This is actually easier than it sounds. You do not need to condense your entire book into one sentence. But you do need to give enough information that the agent/editor/curious acquaintance you are addressing gets the gist of your book and is interested enough to want more.

Elements of a Hook Line

• Characters – Who is the main character? What does that main character want? What is his/her main goal?
• Conflict – Who is the villain of the story? Or what is the main obstacle to the main character obtaining their goal?
• Distinction – What makes your book different then all the rest? What is the unique element of your story that makes it stand out? Is your book a romance between a young man and woman? What makes them different?
• Setting – for a novel, adding a little about the setting, time period, and possibly genre (if it’s not obvious) is a good idea. For example, the hook line for my book, which is an historical romantic suspense, could begin “A young woman in Victorian England…”.
• Action – Your hook line needs to have action, excitement. For example, which hook line catches your interest more?
  
  
  • A woman has an affair and runs off with her new beau.
  • A neglected wife and mother has a torrid affair with an ex-con and kidnaps her children as she flees across the country with her lover.

The difference is the inclusion in the second example of action and description words. The woman becomes a “neglected wife and mother.” She has a “torrid” affair. The beau is an “ex-con,” implying a world of danger and crime. She doesn’t just run off, she “flees,” kidnapping her children in the process.

Examples:

Here are a few examples of loglines from well known movies. (Yes, I know we are creating hook lines for a book, but the concept is the same, and examples of loglines are easier to find).

• When a Roman general is betrayed and his family murdered by an insane and corrupt prince, he comes to Rome as a gladiator to seek revenge. (Gladiator)
• In a future where criminals are arrested before the crime occurs, a cop struggles on the lam to prove his innocence for a murder he has not yet committed. (Minority Report)
• A 17th Century tale of adventure on the Caribbean Sea where the roguish yet charming Captain Jack Sparrow joins forces with a young blacksmith in a gallant attempt to rescue the Governor of England's daughter and reclaim his ship. (Pirates of the Caribbean)
• A young man and woman from different social classes fall in love, must outwit her abusive fiancé, and find a way to survive aboard an ill-fated voyage at sea. (Titanic)
• A comedic portrayal of a young and broke Shakespeare who falls in love with a woman, inspiring him to write "Romeo and Juliet. (Shakespeare in Love)
• An archeologist is hired by the U.S. government to find the Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

For your own hook line, you need to decide which elements best convey what your story is about. It is interesting to see how adding different elements affects a hook line. For example, take a look at these two movie loglines.

• After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the power to send her home. (logline by Brian A. Klems, found at http://blog.writersdigest.com/qq/What+Is+A+Logline.aspx)
• Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. (Log Line attributed to Richard Polito of the Marin Independent Journal, who writes humorously sarcastic briefs for the paper's daily TV listings)

Both of these loglines are for the film Wizard of Oz, but they each give the film a distinctly different tone. Personally I like the second one best :D but the first probably gives a better idea of what the film is about.
It might take a little while to get your hook line perfected, but if you stick to the main elements of your story (the main character, the villain or conflict, what is unique about your story, and spice it up with a little action), your hook line should almost write itself. Just to show you that ANYONE can do this, (because if I can do it, anyone can), the hook line for my book is below.

A young woman in Victorian England is swept into an illicit affair with a reformed thief and must find a legendary necklace to ransom her life and the lives of those she loves from a corrupt lord. 

Can you spot the elements?

• Characters – a young woman and her love interest who is a reformed thief.
• Conflict – a corrupt lord (the villain) is threatening her life and the lives of those she loves unless she can find a legendary necklace.
• Distinction – my story is not just a romance, but has a big dose of suspense and mystery thrown in. The love interest is not a typical man but an ex-thief, and while the romance comes in with the affair, it is an “illicit” affair (implying something out of the ordinary, something forbidden).
• Setting – Victorian England. And the description of the story gives obvious clues to the genre – Victorian England = historical; illicit affair = romance; a treasure hunt/mystery and lives threatened = suspense….Genre = historical romantic suspense.
• Action – instead of saying my story is about a girl and guy who fall in love and search for a necklace, I describe the love story as an “illicit affair;” the necklace is “legendary,” the lord is “corrupt,” the love interest is “a reformed thief.” All these little elements help make the hook line more exciting, more interesting. And that is what will help hook the interest of potential agents, publishers, and readers.

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About the Author

Born in San Jose, CA, Michelle McLean is the oldest of five children. She has always been an avid reader and began to write at a very early age. She has a passionate love of learning, which led to earning a Bachelor's degree in History and a Master's degree in English. She currently lives in Utah with her husband, two young children, and one very hyper dog. Visit her website at http://authormichellemclean.com/index.html and her blog at http://www.michellemclean.blogspot.com/.

Writing the Query Letter - The Hook

Okay, people. We all know that to secure a literary agent, you need to write a stellar query letter. You can get feedback at various writerly sites, but none better than the QueryTracker forum. People there are nice, honest, and want to see you succeed.

I know, I know. There are literally hundreds of websites where you can go to find out how to write a query letter. But, um, the fact is, you don't want just a query letter. You want a great query letter—one that sets yours above the others.

I know, I know, I know. There are literary agents who have blogged on how to craft these suckers. They're right. They have good advice. I'm no literary agent, nor an expert, but I did take a class at a conference on writing a killer query. We had to submit our letters before the class and the published author teaching the class reviewed them. Mine wasn't like, awesome or anything. But it did, ahem, win. I didn't get a publishing contract or even a bar of chocolate. I did get a round of applause for my hook and several nods from industry people. You know the kind. The nod of approval, large initial bend with several smaller nods of the head. One editor said she'd definitely like to read my book from the query letter. She did. I got rejected. Life goes on.

So I'm going to share what I learned in the class. It made my query better. The instructor taught that there are four parts to an effective query. I'm only going to talk about the first one today, and we'll visit the other parts soon.

Part One - The Hook

You need a good hook. Scratch that. You need a phenomenal hook. Something that really grabs the reader and says, "Read this! It's gonna be good! Then request my full!" In my opinion, the hook should do two things. 1. Grab the reader (aka the agent) and propel them through the whole letter. 2. Sum up the main plot of the novel.

Here are some I've used/written:

Jonathan Clarke has everything a seventeen-year-old boy could want—except for a beating heart.

This screams fantasy of some kind. At least to me. Or maybe that screaming in my head isn't supposed to be there…Anyway, I had a couple of full requests using that hook. I think it's quite grabby and it does tell the main plot, the driving force behind much of the novel. This dude, Jon, he really wants a beating heart and you better read to find out how/when/if he gets one.

Then I rewrote the book, which of course changed the main plot. So the hook changed to this:

Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

I received a few more full requests—and a few more rejections. I told you, I'm no expert. Apparently I can write a pretty good query letter, but not a good novel. Oh, and I'm a lover of the em-dash, what can I say? But this hook does, again, tell the main plot. All in 23 words. (I know, mine are kinda long.)

Sometimes the hook can be a little longer, like this one I wrote for a different novel:

In a world where Thinkers control the population and the Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a spectacular job of shattering them to pieces. (29 words, but no em-dash! Go me!)

This hook A) Hopefully propels you to read the rest of the letter, and B) tells the main plot of the novel. That's what you want your hook to do.

I don't think there's one right way to write the hook, but lots of wrong ways. The point is, you need a hook. A good one. A strong one. A sharp one.

Your job: get out your whetstone and sharpen those hooks! I think we're going to have a "Hook Me" contest in the near future.

Look for part two of Writing the Query Letter - The Setup tomorrow.